Tired. Long week. The children’s disparate reactions to Mrs. Dave’s absence are exhausting. I’m doing the thing where I run headlong into my own limitations, again. I’m finding it irritating. So, per the Irreverend’s advice, I’m lowering my expectations.
I do not have it in me at this time to write a novel while Mrs. Dave is elsewhere. I do not have the opportunity to craft bedframes for the littles, as we planned. I do not have the ability to do everything I’d wanted. Like I said: frustrated and irritating.
That said. I’m learning (and re-learning *sigh*) things about myself that I’ll be able to apply to my writing. Oh, I should note, I haven’t had nearly as much time to dig into Fiore as I’d like, so just let me digress a bit into the writing life and application sphere. This stuff is hard. And while my respected (and successful: far more successful than I) colleagues maintain that in order to do well at writing (at anything) you have to make it a priority.
And I’ll be frank: I’ve not been making art a priority. It hurts too much. It’s blood hard to do, when I’m worn out caring for two small children with hearts broken by their mother’s absence. It’s hard enough to do while everything is ticking along smoothly, but the military life is anything but smooth. So I’ve been falling down.
But I’m working with a small business consultant on some things, and one of those – tangentially – is the required shift in thinking to move from being a passenger in my own life, to becoming the captain of the vessel. Specifically, thinking like an economist. And economics isn’t money (that’s finance) it’s the study of resource allocation. Right now, all my resources are going toward parenting the Barbarian Horde.
What little I have left over is eaten up by keeping myself more or less healthy. On that front, I’m actually doing better than I have been. Kinda. Look, it’s complicated. Do I spend an hour after getting the kids down late sleeping, or doing the dishes in the sink so the morning sucks less? Do I read a thing I’ve been looking forward to for a week, or do something that needs doing so I don’t lose my mind? What’s the greater priority?
As I said, I’m doing better. I got a decent amount of sleep last night, which was nice. I’m eating more, which is one of those subtle things. Also, making sure to drink more water (even more subtle than being chronically under-fueled). And the other one is the exercise piece. Something about my wiring requires that engage in a minimum level of physical activity (I’d argue the same is true about other people, but I’m other people). Just in order to feel not-bad. This is despite my natural tendency toward sloth. If I go too long, my mood dips, which is a poor thing in someone with a tendency toward depression.
I’ve been getting used to little activities. I do push-ups most morning upon getting up. It gets the blood flowing, and works the whole body if you do it right (the key is flexing the quads and glutes). I’ve also been getting used to my Indian clubs. The movements aren’t completely natural, yet, but the weight are light enough to get high reps in, which conditions my muscles to get ready for higher loads. Those are within my limitations. I can do that stuff. I also don’t have to have a clean lifting space. Which I don’t have, at the moment.
As to the title, while I don’t feel like I’ve landed, I’m making some upward progress. Falling is all down. And I’m still telling Pretend Story every night. Tonight, the heroes have to steal an amulet from the good king to save the kingdom. Should be interesting. And this week I’ll be digging into the curriculum, and be able to give you a precis on Fiore’s footwork. Until then, give yourself a little space when you hit your limits. When you bounce off those walls, take a step back, and maybe a sit down, instead of shaking it off and charging right back in.