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Dem Trollin’ Bones

I guess it’s sort of a good thing that we can’t talk about certain topics (like Amazon, or the way people are individuals but in general there are differences between male humans and female humans) without having a troll or two drop by, often with a brand new user handle and an IP address that seems suspiciously… familiar, somehow.

This week it was Amanda’s turn – she had the temerity to suggest that Amazon was a good thing. Um. DUH. Speaking as someone who first found Amazon while I was living in Australia, I can say that Amazon was and is a lifesaver. Books in Australia cost usually more than double the US list price (It’s usually explained as a function of “the exchange rate”, but funnily enough when the Australian dollar was worth more than the US dollar, books did not drop their price one cent), and it’s usually cheaper for Aussies to buy a batch of books from Amazon and pay the cheapest shipping rate. Not to mention at the time maybe 20% of books published in the US found their way to Australian bookstores, so as often as not the Amazon purchases were of books that couldn’t be found in Australia unless you had the $$$ to fly to Melbourne or Sydney (Brisbane later gained its own SFF bookstore that imports from the US) and spend a small fortune there. Then pay excess baggage fees to get back home.

But I digress. Amanda’s twollie-wollie showed a strangely familiar style, wandering in with a snarky one-liner that had possibly negative relevance to the discussion at hand, and proceeded to follow up with more snarky one-liners showing even less connection to the topic, much less to reality. I’d swear this was one that got banished under a different name after multiple warnings and trying to claim that its views were more relevant than someone else’s because – and I quote “I’m more Asian than he is.”

Now, it’s possible that they teach this style of drive-by trolling somewhere, and our latest ickle twollie-wollie is merely a student of our former friend who thinks validity is measured in percentage of ancestry of a particular flavor. I’ve seen weirder things taught. I’ve even in my never-to-be-former-enough days as a teacher been drafted into teaching some of them (trust me, high school Agricultural Science as taught in the far north of Queensland is pretty darn weird). However, it seems to me that there’s a basic modus operandi in place here (that’s method of operation for those of you too lazy to copy/paste into Google Translate and who don’t know basic Latin… all two of you?).

All our ickle twollie-wollies come here with this strange idea that if they say nasty things we’ll wilt and let them have their way. The poor dears always seem taken aback when their arguments – if they produce any – are dissected, sometimes clinically, sometimes with evil glee (yes, I know. I’ve given up trying not to be evil. It’s better for my blood pressure). Twollie-wollie school must be terribly difficult for the poor things, the way it has to inculcate the ability to recognize a point they can work without ever teaching the poor ickle darlings anything resembling logic (formal or otherwise) or reasoning. Some of the weaker specimens have been known to flee screaming when presented with facts.

Most don’t: facts inspire what is known (for the benefit of any twollie-wollies who happen to be drifting past) as ad hominem, otherwise known as insulting the person instead of discussing the topic. I’ve seen other places where people get all flustered and angry when this happens. I personally find it hilarious, and step up my troll-baiting games. I may be a bit perverse in enjoying playing with trolls, but hey, I lead a busy life and a gal’s gotta have some fun. Besides, I’ve worked in places where the words “fuck” and “cunt” will be used in every part of speech imaginable (and some that aren’t), often all in the same sentence.  Yes, it is possible for “The fucking fuck won’t fuck!” to be an understandable and meaningful sentence. I’ve heard it. Name-calling is pretty tame after that. (Also when you know exactly what severed finger looks like, because, yes, I’ve seen that too. I’m not going to say I’m unshockable because I know there are folks here who’ll take this as a challenge, but it takes a lot.)

The whole point seems to be to shout down anything resembling polite, reasoned discourse so that the only view that comes across is the one the school for aspiring twollie-wollies says is the correct one. Of course, it takes a special kind of stupid to try this on a writing blog that calls itself the Mad Genius Club, but they apparently don’t do intelligence tests in the admission process. In fact, from what I’ve seen, the only criteria are oodles of spare time (to spam the offending blogs with comments while its owners are out earning an honest (nominally) living) and the kind of pig-headed stubbornness that sees “You’re beneath contempt.” as a win.

The truly sad thing is that these poor ickle twollie-wollies were once people who could have become decent humans. Instead they fell for the lies of those who think they’re better than the rest of us, and turned themselves into the sad, pale things that shun the daylight they’ve become.

They need to remember this: we know what we’re doing. The only reason we have not tracked them down and exposed them for all to see (I’m sure their friends and families would just love to know what they do in their free time) is that we are decent people. We don’t do that kind of thing.

Until we think it’s needful. Then we leave no survivors.

163 Comments
  1. I dunno. A few troll heads on pikes might discourage other trolls.

    November 7, 2013
    • Give it time. Wait, are you speaking metaphorically? Because virtual troll-heads on pikes would spruce up the place a good bit…

      November 7, 2013
      • Paul (Drak Bibliophile) Howard #

        Unfortunately, trolls have a mindset of “bad things happened to other people”. [Sad Smile]

        November 7, 2013
        • Kate Paulk #

          Most trolls exist to make the bad things happen to other people. They don’t like bad things happening to them, funnily enough.

          November 7, 2013
          • Paul (Drak Bibliophile) Howard #

            True, but they don’t take warnings from what happened to other Trolls. Which is why mounting Troll Heads doesn’t deter other Trolls from visiting.

            November 7, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        Metaphorical shmorical… I want REAL troll heads on REAL pikes!

        November 7, 2013
        • APPROVED!

          November 7, 2013
        • Ben Hartley #

          M’lady Kate, I like your style.

          November 7, 2013
          • Kate Paulk #

            Why thank you, sir!

            November 7, 2013
        • 'nother Mike #

          Here you go! You asked for it…

          November 8, 2013
          • Eamon #

            *snort!*

            November 8, 2013
          • Kate Paulk #

            Spray warning, please!

            November 8, 2013
  2. Martin L. Shoemaker #

    I also wonder if trolls are smart enough to recognize a warning shot.

    November 7, 2013
    • Kate Paulk #

      Only if it hits a vital organ.

      November 7, 2013
  3. TXRed #

    Trollin’ bones got to be ground?

    I think the drive by snarking is universal to immature humans of a certain generation or two. I see it in the school where I sub, and the wannt-be trolls are usually shocked out of their shoes when I snap back with data. By now most of the students know that I’m not blowing smoke when I talk, but there are always a few new kids who want to learn the hard way. And everything is absolutely 100% certain. One of the teachers at my place of worship said last week that the older members are the most flexible, and the youngest the most unwilling to consider ideas that don’t fit their world view.

    November 7, 2013
    • Kate Paulk #

      Yeah, that does seem to be a trend. They also seem to be incapable of seeing that something which isn’t absolutely perfect can still be a good thing.

      November 7, 2013
  4. Arachnothera is this creature: http://yamathespacefish.deviantart.com/gallery/?offset=192

    Aka, Clamps, and all kinds of other nom de shitbirds. I think of it as “Chlamydia.” It labors under the twin illusions that a) it can write and b) only style matters.

    You’ve got to read that crap. It’s too funny to miss, though it is also quite sad and pathetc. But — WARNING!!!! — no drinking anything when you do, lest you ruin a keyboard.

    Here’s a brief section of something the creature wrote. I think it stands as a monument of how not to write.

    “The three of us holed up in an abandoned factory devoid of any life for the night

    Icicles held captive beads of brilliant golden sunlight.

    “Stay quiet,” I warned Ava. Her response was little more than a sullen glance. We were in a long hallway filled with junk and fallen chunks of the concrete roof. Icicles held captive beads of brilliant golden sunlight. ”

    Gotta love that “captive beads of brilliant golden sunlight”…TWICE!…at night…and that over a night when the factory would be devoid of life (though clearly it would come back in the morning. Ahem.).

    It’s my personal; suspicion that Chlamydia is a subbie, and just puts that crap up so he can be verbally beaten and abused as s/h/it desires. Because nobody could write that badly unless they want to be abused.

    “What are your names, Wayfarers?” It never gets old.

    November 7, 2013
    • Colonel, thanks for the confirmation of my suspicions. We’ve dealt with this particular troll before — and booted them — from the blog. As Kate said in her post today, there was something very familiar about the prose (if you can call it that).

      BTW, thanks for the spew warning. I’d hate to have to buy a new laptop because of this “person”.

      November 7, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        And I’m thankful I don’t have to replace my keyboard. I go through them too quickly as it is.

        November 7, 2013
    • LOL. They were devoid of any life for the night? (I think the subject of that sentence is “we” though of course I could be wrong. I don’t think Yama KNOWS.)
      Will the captive beads break free? Will Chlamydia find a brain?
      Tune in tomorrow for another episode…

      November 7, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        I rather suspect the second question can be answered by “No” – unless the brain belongs to someone else, and then the odds aren’t good that Chlamydia will recognize that he’s found one.

        The captive beads… The poor things might be trapped there all winter. How horrible.

        November 7, 2013
    • Arachnothera #

      “What are your names, Wayfarers?”

      .. yeah? What’s wrong with that?

      November 7, 2013
      • Read the whole comment and then come back — or, better yet, stay away. You have yet to discuss anything.

        November 7, 2013
        • Arachnothera #

          How is any of that worse than the crap in Caliphate or Nocturnal Origins?

          November 7, 2013
          • Well, for one other people have a clue about grammar. Since you don’t, dear child, and are so incompetent you don’t see your incompetence, I suggest you slink into a hole while you study.

            November 7, 2013
          • I’ve actually read Caliphate, and the story is technically well-construced, whether or not you like the politics. It’s also involves two plots, separated in time, and cleverly interwoven to unite at the end of the one taking place in the past. This was done not merely to demonstrate skill in outlining: the revelation of the outcome of the past plot answers the reader’s obvious question: “How did things get this bad in Europe and why did anyone stay to be enslaved?” Kratman is quite capable of making (sparing) use of metaphor and other poetic devices, and he makes extensive use of emotional-affect devices, but he’s writing action-adventure here, not early 19th-century Romantic lyrical poetry, nor even picaresque action-adventure in the syle of (say) Jack Vance. One style does not fit all authors nor all situations.

            November 7, 2013
            • Three plots. And I don’t actually outline.

              November 7, 2013
              • Incidentally, I did like the politics, thought it was a frighteningly-plausible future, horrific in that it worked out badly for pretty much every faction (including both America and both the European and Mideastern Muslims), and think it’s one of the best science fiction novels written within the last decade, in part because you’re examining an aspect of our possible future from which most sf writers recoil.

                I have noticed that most sf which postulates a danger from future religious extremism assumes that only Christian extremism is dangerous, even though modern Christianity is one of the most tolerant of faiths. I have also noticed that very few science fiction writers postulate any sort of severe violent international backlash against Islam, which is odd given that Islam is behaving about as aggressively toward all other faiths as is physically possible.

                You deserve credit for your moral courage.

                November 7, 2013
                • Frankly, I’d been hoping for my very own personal fatwa. It never came. And then it hit me; what I painted as an Islamic nightmare, a nightmare even for good Moslems, was, to the very people who might have issued the fatwa, RIF Heaven. By the way, the term “RIF,” was coined by Jody Dorset and myself on Baen’s Bar. Seriously.

                  November 7, 2013
                • There was a reason why nearly every character, at one time or another, said, “What a shitty world” or some close cognate thereto.

                  November 7, 2013
                  • The funniest criticism I’ve heard is that Caliphate is a right-wing wet dream of how we want the world to be. What, America hit by multiple covert nuclear attacks, a moderate-sized thermonuclear war, followed by America going authoritarian, Europe falling to Islam and the international order collapsing into a world dominated by mutually-suspicious Great Powers while expansion into space stagnates because of the huge burden of arms spending (did I get the salient points right there)? Not the kind of future I’d hope for!

                    November 8, 2013
                    • The caring and sensitive left does a lot of projecting, I’ve noticed. And is really, and en masse, epsilon double minus levels of stupid, with only a few exceptions.

                      November 8, 2013
                    • bearcat #

                      I see you read the same review I did. You know, nightmare, wet dream, really there’s not much difference, they are both sleep induced hallucinations.

                      November 9, 2013
                  • About the only thing that really hit me out of the blue in that book was the remote operator stuff.

                    November 9, 2013
                    • Creepy, wasn’t it?

                      There are a few tech changes and advances, but very few and mostly not all that advanced. Hmmm…the holographic ID card, practical nuke powered airships, chippies, thermal depolymerization, SHITs (with most unSFnal limitations). Might be a few others.

                      November 9, 2013
              • Oh, this makes me feel better. I feel vaguely guilty I stopped outlining.

                November 7, 2013
      • Other than being pretentious stupid crap, nothing.

        November 7, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        Funny how you got the one and only example that’s actually kind of innocuous.

        November 7, 2013
      • bearcat #

        Nothing, with that one line. But then most second graders can successfully write one sentence without it sounding too stupid. It is only when you add in context that you look bad compared to said second graders.

        November 8, 2013
    • Very, er, poetic.

      And reassuring. At least there are people who are worse than I am.

      November 7, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        Heh. This isn’t nearly as reassuring as you might think. I mean, better than Chlamydia is a really low bar to jump.

        November 7, 2013
        • Yes, but any harbor when doubt strikes is better than none. 🙂

          November 7, 2013
          • Kate Paulk #

            There is this.

            November 7, 2013
    • Ah, you’re talking about Andrew Marston of Marshfield MA. Very strange man, inherited lots of money, lives all alone in a big house full of absurd numbers of computers, which he uses to mass-exploit other people’s systems when he isn’t simply trolling them. Some sort of wannabe Jihadist or at least Jihadist-sympathizer, imagines himself on a crusade against the Nazis. If you wrote him as a science-fictional character, no one would believe in him.

      November 7, 2013
      • Marshfield? Marsh-fucking-field? You’re serious? So if I wanted to engage in a little real time eugenics it wouldn’t be hard? Lololol.

        Okay, get a time machine or, rather, the latest google update (hey, it’ll be along) for cross time satellite photography and go to Brant Rock, the actual rock. The kid running the jetty, any given day 1959 to 1973m with his eyes closed, is me.

        And so, obviously, I need to put a purely fictive Andrew Marston, who lives in the fictive Marshfield by the Sea in Kent, UK, as a brit in 1940 collaborating with the Waffen SS in SeeAdler. And then as a Nasrani homosexual prostitute in some sequel to Caliphate.

        And I got at least that part right; he IS living in his parents house on their dime.

        November 7, 2013
        • Kate Paulk #

          I’ll look forward to that tuckerization, Tom.

          I see Con vampire redshirting with malice aforethought in dear Chlamydia’s future. Not the one in progress, though – it’s already overbooked.

          November 7, 2013
        • Well, I think that Andrew’s parents died, which was how he inherited millions of dollars to buy lots and lots of computers. But yes, I think the house he’s living in was his parents’.

          I feel sorry for anyone whose parents have died — I still miss my own. Though at my age it’s of course to be expected.

          November 7, 2013
          • Are you certain the money isn’t about as real as his literary talent? I ask because, having the name and town, finding an address and mapping it took a minute or so. And at 1920 feet, it’s not much of a house and, if memory serves, the subdivision – not even within a mile of the coast – is nothing special either.

            November 7, 2013
            • I could be wrong — I get this from various sources, not of all of whom are entirely law-abiding but all of whom are good people. I don’t see how he can afford his computer setup if he hasn’t inherited money, as he’s not a success in any field of endeavor I know of save for being obnoxious online.

              November 8, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        Ah. The contradictions inherent in this are astonishing. I gather he has no ideas the Jihadists are fans of the Nazis and are the descendants of the people who supported the Nazis in their Middle East and Northern African campaign.

        Presumably he also has no idea that the one book other than their alleged holy book the Jihadists approve of is Mein Kampf? (Sorry, I don’t have references. Could chase ’em, but just got home from work, so don’t wanna).

        November 7, 2013
        • I don’t think that Andrew is willing to understand anything negative about his chosen flavor of Islam — which one it is I can’t remember. Yama’s strange — there are whole nations he believes deserve to be eradicated, and the times I’ve asked him why he’s given me strange reasons — usually, something about their art, cuisine or music. I don’t know how serious he is in this regard.

          Israel’s on his hit-list, of course. Also Poland and I think India. I once made a list of Yama’s national hatreds but would have to search through my own comments to my old Livejournal posts to find it.

          November 7, 2013
          • Kate Paulk #

            I don’t think it’s worth the effort, somehow. Obviously whatever used to serve as a brain has been converted to purest shit and is now giving off the fumes that purport to be discourse.

            November 7, 2013
          • bearcat #

            While I sympathize with anyone served goat with the hair on taking out an entire country for it might be a little overkill.

            November 8, 2013
            • LOL!!!

              Pretty much my point to Yama regarding the cultural issues on which we agreed (there were plenty on which we disagreed).

              November 8, 2013
        • The Germans became sentimentally-drawn to Islam starting at least in the Great War alliance with Turkey, and Hilter formulated Naziism in part as a German-nationalist version of Islam, to be the warrior faith for a warrior people. Germany being anti-Semitic and anti-Western Allied made an obvious patrons for anti-colonial movements against Britain and France in particular. The Arabs were generally not merely not bothered by the Holocaust but those who knew about it approved of it: the Grand Mufti of Jerusalem, who was an anti-British rebel, enjoyed his tour of a death camp. And this sympathy lasted well beyond 1945: for instance, Otto Skorzeny wound up at one point working for the Egyptians, and numerous Nazi war criminals took refuge in post-colonial North Africa. (This gets referenced in, of all places, an episode of Secret Agent where Drake is hunting a Nazi fugitive in some North African country).

          November 7, 2013
    • (*Destro “defending” Cobra Commander mode*)

      Tom, you have focused on Yama’s over-application of metaphor as a writing flaw. This is unfair. You should focus more on his clumsy exposition through veritable BARRAGES of thinly-connected ‘As you know Bob’ DIALOGUE!

      (*Baroness*)

      We had that story sale sewed up, until Yama insulted the editor!

      (*Major Bludd*)

      Yama chickened out on those story submissions!

      (*Tomax*)

      IN-ept!

      (*Xamot*)

      IN-competent!

      (*Tomax and Xamot in unison*)

      IL-LITERATE!

      Why yes, I was a big cartoon fanboy in the 1980’s. Why do you ask? 😉

      November 7, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        (Wide-eyed innocent look) No reason…

        November 7, 2013
    • Kate Paulk #

      Oh dear lord… Thank you for the spray warning. I may attempt a line-shredit of one of these just for the fun of it some day. I mean, the three of “us” voiding themselves of light for the night leads me to wonder if they possess anatomy that allows them to excrete their life overnight only to regain it the next morning.

      Apparently it’s possible to keep captured sunlight long past nightfall – presumably only if it’s brilliant and golden though.

      Yes, I really must have some fun with this some time when I’m not working my ass off testing software as well as writing.

      November 7, 2013
      • bearcat #

        And beaded, you can’t forget to bead it or it will bleed away before the night is over.

        November 8, 2013
    • Christopher M. Chupik #

      Reminds me of that TOS episode where Spock is standing in a jungle, looks at his tricorder, and reports “No life-forms”.

      November 7, 2013
  5. After we beat and abused him on Larry’s site over those doubleplusgood “captive beads of brilliant golden sunlight,” s/h/it changed the passage. Sadly for Chlamydia, I saved a copy and passed it to Larry to read aloud so it could become as famous at Cons as Eye of Argon. Indeed, I labelled the file, “Eye of Argon II.”

    If anyone needs a copy for a con party…

    November 7, 2013
    • Arachnothera #

      If Robert Silverberg didn’t exist, I’d find some time to tear Monster Hunter International and A Desert Called Peace a new asshole. Even if the latter did break Spacebattles. Twice.

      November 7, 2013
      • Arachnothera #

        Which says a lot about Kratman’s writing prowess.

        November 7, 2013
        • Sigh, last warning. One more comment that doesn’t address the topic and you will be banned. You brought this all on yourself, with your one liners and attacking of others on the blog not only in this post but in others.

          November 7, 2013
        • And, btw, I’ll take the Colonel’s writing any day of the week over what I’ve seen from you. Now go away.

          November 7, 2013
          • Yes, indeed. Don’t come back or we’ll mock you again.

            November 7, 2013
            • Arachnothera #

              Well, that’s probably the most unthreatening threat I’ve ever heard.

              November 7, 2013
              • Only because, as I said, you’re too dumb to even fathom how dumb you are.

                November 7, 2013
                • S/h/it is something of a work of art all on it’s own, no? Something picassoesque, with a hint of Dali, and the urine around the cross in pisschrist, with some fingerpainted golden beads of brilliant captured sunlight all done in bright yellow cow droppings.

                  November 7, 2013
                  • You are a baaaad man. (giggle.)

                    November 7, 2013
                    • Yeah, i know. How fortunate for me that God will forgive me my wickedness. On the other hand, how unfortunate for Chlamydia that God punishes pretentious, meaningless, overstyled, pointless writing. Can’t you just picture it, poor Chlamydia, dressed in something velvety, sequiny, and generally liberace-esque, trapped in a factory that is devoid of life all night but fills with demons and nameless wayfarers during the day, forever forced to push a cart filled with cow dung scented golden beads of brilliant captive sunlight up a hill, only to have the cart roll down again…forever.

                      November 7, 2013
                    • Yes, and it warms the cockles of my heart….

                      November 7, 2013
                  • Kate Paulk #

                    No, no, the golden beads of brilliant captured sunlight are used to coat the cow pats. After all, every troll knows if you paint a turd in something else, it’s not shit anymore.

                    November 7, 2013
                  • I see from your comment a bit downthread that Yama’s strange fashion sense has struck you, coupled with the fact that people are wearing some awfully spangly and filligreed layered clothing in what is supposed to be a survival situation. Kind of like Rarity (from My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic) designed all the clothes — except that SHE is far more practical than that and would NEVER design survival clothing like that). Yes, Yama’s costume choices are considerably more girly than the MOST girly of My Little Ponies — make of that what you will! 😀

                    (why yes, I AM a brony too!)

                    November 8, 2013
              • What threat? Shitting on you is just recreation for most of us.

                Hey, I’ve been wondering; did your parents buy you that dehumidifier for that rent and board free room you’re still occupying down in the basement?

                November 7, 2013
        • TXRed #

          Popcorn anyone? *offers bowl*

          November 7, 2013
          • Paul (Drak Bibliophile) Howard #

            Yawn, it’s a battle of wits with an unarmed person.

            November 7, 2013
            • Kate Paulk #

              The problem is the unarmed one thinks that he’s facing an unarmed opponent.

              November 7, 2013
        • Kate Paulk #

          Apparently our poor widdle twollie-wollie lives in an alternate universe where Tom Kratman wrote Bob Silverberg and Larry Correia’s entire output.

          November 7, 2013
          • I’m wondering if Yama has Ted Sturgeon (of “Sturgeon’s Law” fame) confused with Robert Silverberg.

            November 8, 2013
      • Dorothy Grant #

        Oh, congratulations! You finally managed a response that’s not a one-liner, it’s a two-liner! Tell me, do you practice posing at the top step to deliver these, right before you slam the door to your room in a sulk? It doesn’t work nearly as well on the internet, you know – there’s no satisfying thunk to punctuate your words at the end of the comment, and the audience you are declaiming has plenty of experience in dealing with sulking teenagers.

        Next time, just go to your favorite chatroom and sulk with the other emo kids that nobody understands you, mmmkay? The adults are talking, here.

        November 7, 2013
        • H/sh/it can’t be a teen. It was flouncing and being an ass at LGF ten years ago. I’d call it a case of arrested development.

          November 7, 2013
          • Dorothy Grant #

            Oh, it’s living proof that in an extremely rich country, you may have to grow older, but you don’t have to grow up. I feel sorry for its parents; one of the joys of raising children is the ability to finally talk with them as intelligent adults, and Clamps there has clearly selfishly robbed them of that pleasure.

            November 7, 2013
            • Kate Paulk #

              You’re presuming our dear Chlamydia’s parents had any brains. If they did, well, kudos to them for raising such a sadly malformed specimen and not taking the easy way out

              November 7, 2013
          • Kate Paulk #

            Not arrested, Sarah. Murdered.

            November 7, 2013
      • Synova #

        I once read someone tearing Lois McMaster Bujold a new a**hole and exposing her for the no-talent hack she is… on the internet. It’s a curious thing, really, but tearing apart someone else’s work is insanely simple and depends not-at-all on the quality of the work being torn. (If only I could be as talented as Bujold’s left pinky toe.)

        What it does tend to be, clearly, is a way for people who can’t *do* to feel superior to the people who *can*. On the internet.

        And the thing about the internet is… it’s too easy to pretend that you really showed them! Ha!

        But there’s me… hoping for the talent contained in Bujold’s pinky toe and I know that I’m entirely capable of tearing apart the “great work” of any author you could name, and could do it convincingly.

        But only if I wanted to paint “idiot who can’t write her own stuff” on my face in red paint with an arrow down my torso with the caption “very small” pointed at my crotch.

        November 7, 2013
        • Wow, I bet that Lois McMaster Bujold is crying all the way to the awards ceremony with a brief detour to the bank!

          November 7, 2013
          • Synova #

            Yup. 🙂

            And the same with anyone else who gets paid… (and now I’ve got Jane’s “get paid” dialog in my head… win-win!)

            November 7, 2013
            • Synova #

              JAYNE! I denounce myself as the worst speller ever. And offer this as penance…

              “- Hell, I’ll kill a man in a fair fight… or if I think he’s gonna start a fair fight, or if he bothers me, or if there’s a woman, or if I’m gettin’ paid – mostly only when I’m gettin’ paid.”

              On account of killin’ a man is a bit like writing a book. 😉

              November 7, 2013
              • Kate Paulk #

                😀 Love it!

                November 7, 2013
          • Kate Paulk #

            I’m sure! That kind of jealousy shred is something of a compliment, really. As well as comedy value when you can go through it and shred the shred.

            November 7, 2013
        • Kate Paulk #

          Ah, yes. The Internet… where you can put your shortcomings on public display for all to see. Forever. And our dear friend is very long on shortcomings.

          November 7, 2013
      • Kratman did do a terrible job on Monster Hunter International. In fact his contribution to the story was so minimal that I’d almost think Larry Correira wrote it.

        Oh wait, Correira did!

        November 7, 2013
        • I _SO_ wish the trailer trash elves had been my invention.

          November 7, 2013
          • Kate Paulk #

            So do I!

            November 7, 2013
          • Dorothy Grant #

            Having now met the lovely Mrs. Correia, every time someone mentions that, I can hear her saying “I’m so sick and tired of elves!” …. She is a wonderful, wonderful, and wise lady. And I’m coming around to acknowledging she may have been right about writing spouses and scheduling around them… by next LibertyCon I expect to approach her, bow to the master, and say “You were right, I was wrong, and would you please teach me more on living with a writing spouse? May I offer chocolate and commiseration?”

            November 7, 2013
          • Yes … they were not only hilarious, but made perfect sense in the context of Tolkien’s fiction (rural, linked to Nature, and declining for millennia. Sounds like by now they would be trailer trash elves!

            (The ones in Westernesse have really nice houses and impeccable manners. Not to mention better fashion sense!)

            November 8, 2013
          • Hell with the trailer trash elves, I wish I’d come up with the Gangsta Gnomes!

            November 8, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        Three authors conflated. Perhaps it’s trying for a new record? Or maybe it just doesn’t realize that Bob Silverberg, Tom Kratman and Larry Correia are three different people.

        November 7, 2013
        • We’re actually the same person, Kate; it’s just that we’re a shapeshifter. “Dammit, Tom, you weren’t supposed to tell anyone that.” “Relax, Larry, since our shifting defies the laws of conservation of mass and energy, and besides makes us each heretics to our respective churches, no one will believe it. What do you say, Bob?” “Well, as you know, Tom…”

          November 7, 2013
          • Kate Paulk #

            Oh crap. Now you’ve told me you’re going to have to kill me.

            I don’t want to be undead yet.

            November 7, 2013
          • And schitzophrenic? Did one of us mention that we’re schitzophrenic?

            November 7, 2013
            • Kate Paulk #

              Not until now.

              November 8, 2013
          • Ok, you have fulfilled your assignment to make someone wipe tears from his eyes, from laughing at that one…

            November 7, 2013
          • bearcat #

            So do you compress the mass of your Larry shape when shifting into Tom, or does your Tom mass expand? I guess what I am asking is what is your default form?

            November 8, 2013
            • Maybe it’s a multidimensional form for which there is no default, merely different facets as it rotates through this reality?

              November 8, 2013
      • bearcat #

        I consider breaking Spacebattles an achievement worthy of literary award.

        November 8, 2013
        • But I didn’t _do_ it. Why would I want to break the one forum on one website _totally_ devoted to advertising my books?

          November 8, 2013
    • Kate Paulk #

      How about we set it up for LC next year? I’d fly down for that.

      November 7, 2013
  6. I started to believe that there are a few people who create statements which are intended to belittle and/or insult those who are not of The Anointed, then there are legions who feel as if they have been enlightened, then go out and repeat these statements (the more quick-witted will throw in variations, but many will copy and paste) on other websites where they think that the words of the perceived master will cause teh ebbil ones to shrivel and burn in response.

    I think this is known as wishful thinking.

    November 7, 2013
    • I think that’s also known as “using talking points”.

      November 7, 2013
      • And drinking their own ink. They think these people are brilliant and it never occurs to them that they aren’t. Or that they don’t, in fact, have any point, other than on top of their heads.
        Their ideas have failed everywhere, but “this time will be different!”

        November 7, 2013
        • Emotional thinking.

          Wait… I did that wrong.

          Emotional thinking.

          Yeah. That’s better.

          November 7, 2013
          • Zack, Nobody, right or left, center, or outright lunatic fringe really reasons reliably and as a matter of course. This crap is all instinctive and emotional, with reason’s place usually being to rationalize the conclusions we come up with via emotion and instinct. The big difference is that the center’s and right’s emotions and instinct are more in accord with the objective realities on the ground. But Thought? Reason? They hardly enter into it.

            November 7, 2013
            • Oh, sure. I don’t mean to say that I’m always at the top of my critical thinking game, or that conservative / libertarians / non-statists are.
              Almost all of the time, decisions are made quickly and emotionally, and then a rationalization is created afterward (see, for example, the discussion of elephant and rider that gets touted in things like Chip and Dan Heath’s “Switch“, which metaphor was subsequently borrowed by Jonathan Haidt’s “The Righteous Mind“).
              Thought and reason can make an impact… but you must have the emotional impact to… win friends and influence people? Change hearts and minds? A discussion of the Laffer curve and marginal tax rates may be important… but it’s not winning anyone over any time soon.
              That’s one of the reasons story is vitally important. The vile progs/statists get that – it’s one of the reasons they gravitate to mass entertainment. You get the reader to make an emotional investment in the characters and what’s happening to them, and you can make points and win arguments that you wouldn’t be able to get past someone’s shields otherwise.
              Aaaand now I’m on my soapbox again. Dagnabit.

              November 7, 2013
              • The Righteous Mind was precisely the book I had in mind, though I came to the same conclusions independently and – dare I say it? I dare! I dare – emotionally while in law school in the early 90s.

                November 7, 2013
        • Well, Sarah, we’re all, so to speak, Intellectually Challenged. http://www.tomkratman.com/Ranthhour.html

          November 7, 2013
        • Kate Paulk #

          Of course it will. They’ll be the ones against the wall when their revolution succeeds, and the ones that kill them will be against the wall when the new regime collapses in the usual mess.

          November 7, 2013
          • This is what tends to happen when Communist, or indeed other radical regimes, actually come to power. Think of the fate of the Storm Troopers when Hitler needed to unify control.

            November 8, 2013
            • Kate Paulk #

              I might not have studied history as the academics would have it, but I have read rather a lot of it along the way. And I can see a trend

              November 8, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        I thought it was a special instance of Simon Says, otherwise known as Dear Leader Says

        November 7, 2013
    • Kate Paulk #

      And the poor things have no idea what to do when the brilliance of Dear Leader gets mocked.

      November 7, 2013
  7. bearcat #

    Dang, I missed Chlamydia and had to go back and read the comments. It is a particularly poor and unimaginative example of a troll, but at times the abuse heaped on it can be humorous. This time it was incapable of coming up with one liners worthy of wasting abuse on however.

    November 7, 2013
  8. Eric Hinkle #

    Beg pardon, but I thought the way to handle these dolts (the trolls) was ‘not to feed them’, or however that phrase goes? I’ve never seen reason or facts have any effect on one.

    November 7, 2013
    • At some point you have to point out what they’re doing. And that they’re nuts.

      November 7, 2013
      • Yes, but you have to understand, Sarah, that Chlamydia comes to places like this, acting the way s/h/it does, _expressly_ because s/h/it wants to be beaten and abused.

        Personally I consider it, if not quite a Christian duty, at least a mitzvah, to shame and humiliate s/h/it as s/h/it craves.

        November 7, 2013
  9. lelnet #

    Do I have to be the killjoy who points out that “ad hominem” doesn’t mean “attacking the person instead of discussing the argument”, but rather “dismissing the argument because of who asserts it, rather than on its merits or lack thereof”?

    (In other words, “only sociopathic monsters eat meat, you Nazi!” is not an ad hominem fallacy — just a content-free insult. An ad hominem fallacy would be “Hitler was famously opposed to animal cruelty, therefore the ASPCA is full of shit”.)

    November 7, 2013
    • Synova #

      🙂 Someone had to do it.

      November 7, 2013
    • Kate Paulk #

      Alas, this is what I get for writing these things while half asleep and on auto-pilot.

      Thank you for the correction. I shall slap myself on the wrist and try to do better next time.

      November 7, 2013
  10. “The fucking fuck won’t fuck!”

    Which reminds me, Kate, one of these years I intend to do an alternate history that starts in the Teutoburgerwald, where Primus Pilus Marcus Caelius is going to say, “That fucking fucker Varus is so fucked they’re going to have to fucking retire the word fucked after this fucking fucked up – and did I neglect to say ‘fucked’? – fucking upgefucht excursion.”

    Course, I don’t have a title yet and I never start work without a title.

    November 7, 2013
    • I was just going to say that now I know where the creator of the Smurfs got the idea to use the word “smurf” so much in their conversation.

      November 7, 2013
      • Probably listened for the commas in any given conversation among GIs, where comma is pronounced, “fuck.”

        November 7, 2013
        • Kate Paulk #

          Isn’t every punctuation mark pronounced that way?

          November 7, 2013
          • Any one _can_ be pronounced that way, but commas are _always_ pronounced that way.

            November 7, 2013
            • Kate Paulk #

              Ah. Not being military I was unaware of that fine distinction.

              November 7, 2013
    • TXRed #

      I think I worked with one of Primus Pilus Marcus Caelius’s descendents. I learned all sorts of new terms for recalcitrant airplane parts and the associated tools while under his supervision, as well as hearing some truly magnificent descriptions of what those parts and some airplanes could go do with themselves.

      November 7, 2013
      • NRVLAW@aol.com #

        Collateral, maybe. ISTR that his brother, Publius (?), who set up the memorial to Marcus, was a first spear too.

        November 7, 2013
      • Collateral, maybe. ISTR that his brother, Publius (?), who set up the memorial to Marcus, was a first spear too.

        November 7, 2013
      • Kate Paulk #

        I’ve heard similar descriptions of drilling rigs. I have to say the rigs I sat as a junior geologist would have had to perform some wondrous contortions to do what was suggested.

        November 7, 2013
        • bearcat #

          I ran a rock drill for about a year shortly after getting out of high school, I to heard such suggestions, and can commiserate with the suggestees.

          November 8, 2013
    • The title seems obvious to me, if a little hard to get past the censors.

      November 7, 2013
    • Given what happened at the Teutoburgerwald, my opinion as a student of history is that there was a lot of cursing on the Roman side that day!

      November 7, 2013
    • Kate Paulk #

      Tom, that comment needed a spray warning. I very nearly lost a keyboard to it!

      You must find a title that will not be censored (While it would be entertaining, a title that reads “F*** that f***ing f***” probably won’t work too well with search engines.

      November 7, 2013
      • I will personally contribute to a a kickstarter for a story of any length,entitled The Fucking Fucker is Fucked written by Colonel Kratman. I bet I’m not the only one, either.

        November 8, 2013
        • Eamon #

          I’m in.

          November 8, 2013
          • I could see it as an epigraph to a chapter…

            November 8, 2013
        • Kate Paulk #

          I’d contribute to this.

          November 8, 2013
  11. Eamon #

    This is like a palate cleanser for my brain. Joyous thanks!

    November 7, 2013
    • Kate Paulk #

      You’re welcome – and I’m sure everyone else in the conversation (with the exception of poor Chlamydia who’s got himself banned again) would agree.

      November 7, 2013
      • He’s _banned_?!?!?!? Oh, no. NOnononononono. He must be unbanned so he can see this shit.

        November 7, 2013
        • Kate Paulk #

          Well, to be fair, I did complain to Sarah about banning my chew toy before I could get home from work and play

          November 7, 2013
        • Oh, he can still see it, Colonel. He just can’t comment — until he gets a new IP and different alias. So he’ll be back before long.

          November 7, 2013
          • I banned at request of several people, but yes Chalamydia can still read — his responses are just trash-filed. And btw, he’s not gotten any better at answering.

            November 8, 2013
            • Could I see those, Sarah? They might be a useful addenda to Eye of Argon II.

              November 8, 2013
        • BobtheRegisterredFool #

          Maybe he can. Depends on how the banning software works. Does it stop reading, or just posting? (Rhetorical question, as I don’t have need to know, and certainly not in the open.)

          November 7, 2013
          • Just stops posting, iirc.

            November 7, 2013
          • Oh, Yama will just come up with another screen name and pick another routing path to here, when he feels like doing so. But he’s easy to spot — nobody else can write like him. Thankfully.

            November 9, 2013
            • Almost a national treasure, is he not?

              November 9, 2013
  12. Oh hell, now that you posted that DA link, and he linked to his own livejournal… Hell, I’ve run into this freak before. He’s banned from my LJ, along with the journals of several other authors I know. He’s a crazybad nutcase stalker.

    November 9, 2013
    • Oh, I’ll bet he’s not a real nutcase. You know how we’ll know for sure? Well, the left assumes that I am an exceptionally well trained violent sociopath. (That’s mainly because they’re stupid.) I have yet to see one make an adverse comment about me or my writing if I knew that person’s address. Since I now know chlamydia’s address, if he does continue with comments we will know he is insane, and if he does not we will know he is at least somewhat sane, within his own rather odd frame of reference. He shall, of course, be unharmed no matter what, since violent sociopath or not, I would never deprive the world of its entire supply of captive beads of brilliant golden sunlight…nor all those sequiny, velvety, Liberace-esque survival suits.

      November 9, 2013

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