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Kate the Impaler Goes To Libertycon – Part the Fourth

Kate the Impaler, having finally arrived at the magical realm of Choo Choo has learned that the reputation of the land makes promises the place itself is unable to meet. Still, she has a wedding to attend on pain of unspecified horrible consequences, and after that a convention to enjoy. She thinks…

And it came to pass that upon the appointed hour of eight, when the sun was due to set and the wedding party did hope that the setting of the sun would begin to reduce the heat of Choo Choo – which, it must be said, was not unseasonal, but many guests, including Kate the Impaler, had traveled from less heated climes for the occasion and were finding the heat… difficult – the warrior maiden Kate the Impaler did venture forth from the stale – if cool – air of the palace to the formal gardens, wherein the nuptuals were to be held.

Great was her relief when the Redhead of Doom did plight her troth unto the Evil Muse without evil omen, and greater still her joy when the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess did renew her vows to her beloved Mathematician with nary a sign of displeasure from the gathered crowds.

That the celebrations following upon the happy even were somewhat muted was, in the eyes of the weary warrior, to be expected, for the gage of heat did read near dragonfire levels though the sun’s fiery gaze had fallen beneath the horizon. Thus, wearied from her long day and longing for rest, did Kate the Impaler excuse herself from the celebratory dinner and take herself to the stale – but blissfully cool – air of her suite within the palace of Choo Choo.

And there did she sleep, waking upon the morn in a less fragile temper.

Ere long, the warrior maiden did array herself for recreation and make her way unto the palace refectory, wherein she joined with the Redhead of Doom and her family and others of her friends (Sorry, I can’t remember all of you, much less what kind of titles you all want) to break their fasts. And lo! Though the buffet tables of the refectory were of limited range and quality, they did provide sufficient for Kate the Impaler to vanquish her hunger – yet did she have to conceal dismay for what eating establishment of quality does charge its guests for a refill of orange juice?

Upon departure, Kate the Impaler did speak with the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess and the Mathematician, apprising them of recent events in her homeland while enjoying their company. It was a respite all too short, for – as befits a Beautiful But Evil Space Princess – there were many desiring the Lady Sarah’s presence and limited time in which all might enjoy said presence, for alas! The programming director in a fit of insanity (or possibly evil) had scheduled the Lady Sarah for all but a handful of time slots.

Let it be known at this point that even should a guest take leave of all senses and request to be involved in events in all time slots, no director of programming worthy of the title will actually schedule said guest in such a fashion. That all shall know the pusillanimous cruelty of the programming it shall be listed herein (and one must remember that the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess and the Mathematician do make of themselves a unit: if one is programmed, so to is the other, no matter what the Book of Schedule doth decree).

Thusly did the Lady Sarah and her noble Husband be scheduled on this day:


4 PM What’s new in Space Opera

5 PM Opening Ceremony

6 PM Keeping Track of your Money

7 PM Short Stories or Novels, Indie?

10 PM Social Justice for the Undead

Lest the noble reader believe they did have a break between the hours of eight and ten, during this time frame the Lady Cedar, the Redhead of Doom, did host a party with the Evil Muse and the Lady Sarah and her Lord Husband were among the guests of honor.

Thus, though they did present with admirable skill, they did express their displeasure, and great was Kate the Impaler’s sympathy – until the hour grew late and she sought to remain awake that she could enjoy the thoughts of the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess upon that most important of topics, Social Justice for the Undead.

And so, when the appointed hour did arrive, the warrior maiden did seat herself quietly within the chosen venue, wherein she had little time to rest, for upon the arrival of the Lady Sarah, she did be dragged (metaphorically) unto the stage and did join the proceedings – though assuredly she was too wearied to fully participate, most especially with Mad Mike waxing eloquent upon the needs of Assembled Americans and which bathrooms they might prefer to employ.

With much goodwill did the panel proceed, though it must be said that perhaps it might be advisable that the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess’s Elder Spawn not be permitted to practice medicine with the Evil Penguin, for the question of whether one should bring cadavers home to meet one’s parents prior to dissection is perhaps one best not contemplated on an empty stomach. Or, for that matter, a full one.

And so it was that with the ending of the panel, Kate the Impaler did stumble towards the refuge of her suite, wherein she might rest ere the truly epic scheduling of the Lady Sarah’s panels upon the morrow.

To be continued

  1. Draven #

    yeah…. someone needs to work on that schedule.

    July 23, 2015
    • Uncle Lar #

      Trust me, the matter has been discussed at considerable length. As Sarah’s adopted uncle (she announced the relationship publicly Sunday morning at the Hoyt/Williamson family joust) I took it on myself to take exception to my beautiful yet evil niece being beaten like a rented mule by the con schedule. Sadly, just as I was about to unleash my vorpal blade and snicker snack a few butts the infamous Mathematician, consort to Herself, requested that I stand down and let him handle the situation.

      July 23, 2015
      • Vorpal blade AND the Sliderule of Doom? That’s a terrifying prospect indeed!

        July 23, 2015
      • Draven #

        sounds like it was hard on Kate, too.

        July 23, 2015
        • Kate Paulk #

          I wasn’t on the program. So I appointed myself Assistant To Hoyts.

          July 23, 2015
      • Kate Paulk #

        I was ready to be called in to hide bodies, even though my preference is for nice tall stakes to remind everyone of the penalty for misdeeds. I shall have to settle for ridicule.

        July 23, 2015
        • Uncle Lar #

          You may want to check with Dan. There’s a lot of behind the scene backstory that he can fill you in on.

          July 23, 2015
          • Kate Paulk #

            I have a fair idea about that. Although at the time, the culprit would not have been safe in the same room as Dan. Said culprit would have discovered that there are some extremely painful mathematical operations that can be performed on humans.

            July 23, 2015
  2. That part of Chattanooga is in a valley (well, anything roughly between Lookout Mountain and Missionary Ridge), and might tend to hold in afternoon heat. Was surprised one year to come out of Monteagle and watch the outside temperature climb to 100 F in Chattanooga, and drop as we drove across Missionary Ridge toward Atlanta.

    Stupid question: Are all the cons scheduled with secession right up to 10 PM? With the business cons I attend, sessions are after the morning general meeting to 5 PM, and then it’s dinner at 6 PM. Various non-business activities are planned afterward. For some reason I thought SF/F cons followed the same pattern, with vendors operating consuites after dinner.

    July 23, 2015
    • Uncle Lar #

      Keep in mind that a con is a theme based party, and each one is tailored specifically to the wishes of the concom and hopefully the attendees.
      Panels run in tracks. Very large cons will support multiple tracks. At times Liberty, though a small to medium con had upwards of five simultaneous events. Of course everything shuts down for the opening ceremony, and they typically lighten the load Saturday evening as lots of folks go out to dinner. Dealer room shut down at 8:00 on Friday and 6:00 on Saturday.
      Most scheduled activities run 10am to 10pm, but gaming and media stuff can run late into the night.
      Other than venue and some infrastructure considerations a SF&F con is very little like a business convention. They do bear striking similarities to Mensa regional gatherings though.

      July 23, 2015
      • Kate Paulk #

        Not having been afflicted with Mensa regional gatherings, I couldn’t say, but yeah, 10am through 10pm is about normal. Vendors have their separate space (where they can have their stock secured) and may or may not also be on programming. The con suite is usually run by the con staff/minions/volunteers.

        July 23, 2015
  3. Pete DaDalt #

    Academic conferences run sessions from 8-12, lunch (usually with boring speaker) from 12-1, more sessions from 1-4:30, and then reception from 5:30-7, followed by ad-hoc revelry.

    July 23, 2015
    • Kate Paulk #

      With genre conventions, the ad-hoc revelry tends to be 24-7, but the schedule is usually in the 10am to 10 pm range. I’ve seen some that started at 9am, but it’s rare.

      July 24, 2015

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