One of the depressing consequences of having attended an elite university is being exposed to the full navel-gazing of some of its other attendees (surely I’m not that bad?), the unholy glee of seeing the final career crashes of those who have gone before, and marveling about the cunning of those who prey upon their seemingly limitless vanity and credulity.

What brings this to mind is my casual conflicted perusing of the latest Alumni Magazine from Yale, and this particular (no doubt expensive) advertisement which follows, from a member of the class of 2009. [I have removed identifying info, but it’s clearly not a hidden scam by strangers (name and class are provided).]

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Byline: [name of business] – Helping Busy People Tell Meaningful Stories

“Dear fellow Yale Alum,

No Matter how long ago you left Yale, you’ve certainly led a fascinating life since. A memoir is the perfect way to preserve your life story forever or promote your story widely now. We’ll help you write your memoir or nonfiction book: From ideation and outlining to writing and editing, capturing your story is quick and easy.

It’s my pleasure to offer the expert writing services of my team to fascinating individuals like you. Potential memories generally fall into two groups: those who want to elegantly record treasured memories for loved ones and those who want to promote their story ideas as widely as possible. We’re experts in supporting both.

Immortalize your life with a full-length memoir or a book of transcribed interviews.

Writing a memoir is a deeply personal way to influence future generations. In only 3 months. we’ll capture your best insights, memories, and experiences in a book for your family to enjoy for centuries to come.

…..

It’s not just about the past. Amplify your reach with a best-selling nonfiction book.

Do you want to increase your visibility, which can lead to prestigious consulting and speaking engagements? Writing a best-selling memoir, business book, or self-help manual is a fast and effective way to forever increase your credibility. After only 9 months of writing, we’ll zealously market your book to up to 5,000,000 readers, whose real purchases will rocket it onto a bestseller list of a leading online retailer or an influential global newspaper–guaranteed or the marketing portion of your payment back.

Capturing your story forever starts with a free Vision Meeting.

In under an hour I’ll help you think through your life’s work to date and your writing goals, themes, and more. Our team of world-class interviewers, writers, editors, designers, and other experts will then skillfully craft your book (with your periodic review) so that you can tell your story, immortalize your life, and share your knowledge exactly as you see fit. Email [–.com] today to join others om a journey to immortality, one that has been called “rewarding,” “a breeze,” “unexpectedly cathartic,” and “deeply meaningful.”

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The skill of the phrasing and the depth of understanding of the vanity and character of the audience is rather breathtaking, along with the constant flattery. I know this audience — it’s an accurate and likely effective bit of bait. As a piece of business writing, it’s hard to beat.

Now on the one hand, I can’t imagine any of us here are really motivated to enter a similar business predating on our own alma mater and its ilk (no matter how much they may deserve it) with the drudgery of ghostwriting. And yet, for all I know it’s a viable business, and something like it, using writing for this sort of purpose rather than one’s own fiction or non-fiction, could form the basis of a legitimate (if distasteful) business. (Though I suspect the “team” claim in the ad is probably bogus, short of a steady stream of customers.)

Reading it in the context of its Alumni Mag venue, I can’t help thinking that the duller attendees of my Alma Mater who signed up would get pretty much what they deserved.

Have any of you dabbled in writing for hire, in any form? Do you find it remunerative? Satisfying? I couldn’t do it, even if it paid well — it would require more flattery than I can come up with.