We Have BadCats

There are cats, good cats (usually when they’re asleep), bad cats, and the worst of the lot, badcats. Bad cats rampage around the house and make a horrible mess. Badcats knock the mouse off the desk and managed to completely reset half your computer while playing with it, then trot off to waltz their water bowl around the kitchen splashing half of it all over the floor.

Then they try to eat your headphone cable, sit on the laptop and turn it off in the process, and give you a hurt look when you growl at them because you were in the middle of work on the laptop when it got switched off. I will never buy a laptop with a power switch that can be operated by a cat standing on it.

Sadly, I don’t have that choice with the work machine. If I’m working from home, I have to defend the power button from kitty paws landing on it and activating it. There is a very good reason I disabled the power button on my home system’s keyboard.

So, yes, the boys are adjusting rather well to our household, and enjoying being part of it. It’s not like they’re short of actual purpose bought kitty toys either. They still see anything on a desk as a kitty toy. And they will happily kill the computer mouse. And the cell phone. And…

The Dread Kitty Westley got the unwanted cuddle treatment three times today, to stop him destroying my desk. He at least holds still long enough for a cuddle, even if he tends to prefer to rampage. Midnight still flees at speed if there’s any hint of being picked up, so he’s a bit less damaging – he’s generally happier to find a spot to curl up and sleep, most of the time. Not, I might add, that this is a huge difference when they’re chasing each other around the house and manage to knock something over.

They are indeed BadCats. Possibly even DamnCats.

And of course, they both have the instinctive (it’s got to be) ability to do cute when it looks like they’re going to be growled at for their misdeeds. The Dread Kitty Westley has taken to standing on his hind legs to reach up and wrap the front legs around my arm when he wants to be petted. This is of course unbearably cute and inevitably has me reaching down to pet him and give him whatever snuggles he demands.

Midnight prefers to approach on a level surface. He likes to stand in front of me on the desk and reach for me whenever I stop petting him. At least until it looks like I might possibly be thinking of maybe picking him up. Then there’s a flash of black fluff and no sign of the cat. He is not a pick up and be cuddled cat.

Meanwhile Her Highness Princess Buttercup is playing more and still queen of the household (and don’t you forget it) but she’s more rambunctious as well, and trying to steal food whenever there’s anything that smells interesting around. Oh, and jumping up to be cuddled whenever she feels the need. Because Mommy’s arms should never be doing anything except cuddling the kitty.



      1. The biggest change was that if you wanted to hang out near those granaries, you had to stand both the humans and the other cats. It changed them a lot.

  1. “never buy a laptop with a power switch that can be operated by a cat standing on it.”
    ..I hadn’t considered this before, but have now adopted this into all future technology requirements. Eminently sensible and sound design principle!

    And yes, Ashbutt is opposed to the walking treadmill desk mainly because it prevents cuddles / allows for typing. He’s taken to hopping on the nearby windowsill, and reaching up to paw my thigh for attention, when he’s not hanging dramatically off the blinds and rocking them back and forth so they clatter against the window for attention.Humans must not be uninterrupted!

    1. Humans must immediately drop anything they are doing to do whatever the cats desire. Even if the cat is not sure what they desire just yet.

          1. The problem is that the power button isn’t on the CPU box at all; it’s on the blasted keyboard, because Windows in combination with other software will produce lockups where hitting the power switch is the only option…. and it’s hard to reach the blasted thing inside an enclosure.

  2. My mother grew up with cats but they were Outdoor Cats not Indoor Cats.

    Much later, she said that she wouldn’t have an indoor cat because they get onto tables, etc.

    One of my Uncles (Mom’s older brother) had a DamnCat. It would wait on a shelf beside the door and “act like” it was going to attack people who came into the house.

    My Dad, who normally didn’t mind cats, told my Uncle that if that DamnCat (my term) ever connected, my Uncle would be out a cat.

  3. Mine appears to be a lazy dog that reincarnated as a cat. He does sometimes get a little insistent with head-slamming (not butting, SLAMMING) shins when he wants pets, but mostly he’ll just flop down and present his belly for vigorous rubbings. He’s not a big fan of laps, or most vertical things, or really anything that requires jumping unless he has to.

    The puppy (she’s 9 or 10 months now? She was a rescue, so it’s a guess) on the other hand, will actively try and climb into one’s lap when she wants attention. Or on the desk. Whereupon she knocks things off and/or attempts to eat things (especially chapstick).

    The cat leaves my knitting yarn alone. The dog? Nope, strings it all over the room if she can.

    I think I got a dog in a cat body, and a cat in a dog body…

      1. Actually, they seem perfectly happy as they are. The cat’s been like this since kittenhood (though he has gotten lazier the older–and fatter–he gets, heh.)

        I’m HOPING the dog will stop raiding my desk when she is no longer a puppy, but given that she’s possibly also the smartest dog I’ve ever had (it took all the way up to the hardest level of doggy puzzle before she was stumped–and she’s still solved it, it just involves a longer time period than the other two levels of difficulty) I doubt it. If she could figure out how to climb the bookshelves–because she KNOWS I keep her favorite treats, and also the tasty, tasty chapstick up there–she would. She’s already figured out how to open doors, but thankfully can’t manage a deadbolt. She also knows how the toilet works, and is FASCINATED, but can’t quite work the lever. (Which also makes me wonder if she isn’t my cat’s lost and much-mourned brother reincarnated: he too was crazy-smart, knew how the doors worked–though he didn’t weigh, at 15 pounds, quite enough to work them (his brother does, at thirty pounds, but can’t be bothered), and thought a flushing toilet was the COOLEST THING EVER.)

        This is a dog that consumed an almost-full bottle of melatonin and did not even get sleepy… (she likes beeswax, so I suspect that’s what triggered the stealing of the bottle. Thankfully, it was capsules, so no chocolate-related chemicals involved). I can’t call her hyper, because she isn’t, not really…just super bright and easily bored. (I long for the end of winter when I can start taking her on walks again. Because I have to commute an hour to and from work, and because my little mountain town is DARK by the time I get home and there are sometimes bears, and worse, MOOSE about, it’s not safe to walk her after dark in the deep, deep snow…)

          1. YES. Bears–even the notoriously pissy brown bear (aka, grizzly)–tend to be shy by preference. Unless there are cubs, or something Very Wrong with the bear (diseased, developed a taste for humans, or–and alas the most frequent–is accustomed to human food and so gets territorial about it), they would by preference avoid you. (I have to sit through “Bear Training” once a year with my job, even though my current position is not field going, and only a tiny portion of our field office even HAS bears. Where I live is one of those areas, though.)

            Moose, on the other hand, are GRUMPY. Always. They don’t like you, they don’t like cars, they don’t like ANYTHING. And it’s hard to describe, to someone who hasn’t ever seen on in person, just how freaking BIG they are. Average length of JUST their legs? Six feet. And sure, they’re herbivores (I will point you to the fact that the deadliest, most vicious animal on the PLANET–the hippopotamus–is also an herbivore. And also notoriously grumpy and violent about it.) But since even a tiny white-tail deer can give someone a Very Bad Day if they’re feeling pissy (not to mention the much larger mule deer, and then the elk, which are nearly as large as moose)…well, moose are bad, baaaaad news should they take exception to your presence. Especially if there is, say, some dogs barking at them (because I also walk my parents’ two wauzers, who are adorable, tiny…and very very noisy. Because terriers, and since their westie ancestors were bred to go after BADGERS and schnauzers to take on giant city rats…they think they can take on anything.)

            We get at least a couple of bear and a couple of moose wandering our very, very tiny town every year. This last October, they tranq’ed the bear who had been terrorizing the local trash cans in my neighbor’s yard. The Forest Service ranger let those of us who wanted pet her before they took her away for relocation (she was only about 3-4 years old, a black bear, still quite young and so “only” about 90 pounds). It was the first time I’d actually SEEN a bear (let alone touched one which was SO COOL), but not the first time I’d heard one. We had one a few years ago bouncing our trashcans on their figurative heads because it couldn’t get the lids off (nice to know they were actually bear proof, mostly…) just outside our door. The dogs were going NUTS.

            Tranq’ing moose…is not so much an option, since, you know, they weigh a couple of tons and are hard to move when unconscious. So mostly everyone stays out of their way and hopes they leave soon. (They usually do.) It was me spotting a mama moose and her last year’s calf across the street (in the other direction) in November that put an end to the walks this year, because by the time I get home in winter it is already full dark and moose are very hard to see in my nearly streetlight-less town. As are bears, heh, but by December they’re usually hibernating.

            1. Mad momma moose – and they are all mad – can reach top speeds of 35mph. That’s, um, 56kph.

              The reason I’m still here is because I can corner faster than pissed off momma moose, even if I can’t outrun her.

              1. As a teen, my father accidentally found himself between a mama moose and her calf. Fortunately, he was near very thick willow clumps, and so she couldn’t get to full speed and he could dodge quicker–but even so he finally had to throw caution to the winds and jump INSIDE one of the thicker clumps because she would NOT give up trying to trample him. And of course, he still then had to wait for her to finally leave.

                1. Our old dog once chased a mama moose and her calf to the bridge where my brother was fishing. My brother took the better part of valor, jumped in the river and threw the dog in the river after.

              1. Really only an issue when they encounter humans–and around here, it’s really only a problem when they come into town. Yeah, it happens a couple times a year, but so far no one has been hurt. We’ve got mountain lions too, but they’re so fat and happy off the deer population that so far as I know, locals only encounter those when they actually go hunting them!

                More people get hurt by cows, around here, I’d bet.

                I expect the stats in Yellowstone for wild animal-related injuries are higher, though, on account of tourists doing stupid things, heh.

                1. The kinds of things Pratchett classified as inadvertent suicide? (“He walked into a troll bar and shouted ‘I hate rocks!'” “Oh. Suicide.”)

                2. I wish we had bears here – they could eat all those idiots who leave their litter behind and pluck protected flowers. Less irresponsible idiots and well fed bears, a win win situation. 😀

  4. We have two adorable little balls of grey fur that are barely three months old. Aside from the fact they get underfoot, making food prep, getting ready for work, etc. take twice as long, the only problem they’ve presented us is a tendency to scratch furniture. We’re trying to get them to stop by carrying them to the cat tower whenever we catch them scratching (or claw climbing) the furniture.

  5. my cats used to use my old pc as a stepping stone to get onto my desk (still do)

    i used a piece of cardboard and some tape to make a ‘safety’ over the reset button…. lol

    (daddeh misses you big kitty)

  6. Referring back a few days, I wonder whether we writers should start a GoFundMe for a project to clone Greebo cats. I would certainly benefit from a success there.

Comments are closed.