To all outward appearances, Caer Dave is doing better than ever. We have a plane for the future, which we’re working. The Wee Horde have a regular sitter who’s quite fond of them, and vice versa. Mrs. Dave is facing some significant changes at work, but all for the positive, with the possibility of even greater things in the immediate-to-near term future. (My apologies for the vague-blog, there, but it’s not my news.) Personally, I’m working up several new projects, both writing and more corporeal. I’m taking the time to get my beloved Valkyrie running and happy, again. I’m building my building skills, with the prospect of new tools and new tricks to come. Through all of this, we’re getting the house more organized, and I’m getting my thinking more organized.
So why am I freaking out?
Honestly, I’m not. Okay, not much. Uncertainty sucks, and that’s what’s staring me in the face, right now. And for whatever reason, planning just isn’t enough. I’m mapping out contingencies, I’ve got a plan, everything’s rocking along about as smoothly as could be expected. Mom and Pop Dave are even coming for a visit in a few weeks, which, if things go as People Wiser Than I expect, will be about the time we (I) desperately need it. Aaaaand, I’ve still got that- look, butterflies is a weird descriptor. It’s never seemed very apt, to me. More like a slow-motion explosion. And the location is off. I seem to feel it more in my liver. I’m closer to wanting to hit things. The ol’ fight or flight might be a bit mis-calibrated. Maybe. I’m just sayin’, I’m pre-set for a zombie apocalypse.
Dave, we’re not your therapy session. I hear you, and I sympathize. Not enough to stop, mind you, but here’s the thing about this: while not freaking out over potential major changes in the immediate future, I realized this changes essentially nothing. I’m still working at all the same things. I’m working up the projects and the publishing schedule. I’m figuring out how to be a full-time dad as well as a productive writer (that’s only two and a half full time jobs, I estimate), and I’m still pursuing my self-improvement and business-improvement program.
And that’s the thing with the chaos inherent to life: it just keeps coming. The absolute best thing we can do is build our personal and relational resiliency (even anti-fragility), and roll with the punches. So to speak. I think I’m late to the party on this one, honestly. Our own Blake Smith is dealing with radical life changes just fine (whatever she says) and the BbESP herself is more or less always surfing that maelstrom. The new normal is always different; the only constant is change. Today, I’m more or less okay with that, and I’m already working up ways to shift things around so I still get writing time. Tomorrow? At this point, I’m learning how to let tomorrow take care of itself.