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Kate the Impaler and the Convention of Liberty

Part the Sixth and final

Upon the final day of the Convention of Liberty, Kate the Impaler did lament with equal sorrow the Dread Con Crud, and that she had not known to awaken early enough that she might join a Hun raiding party in search of breakfast – although the warrior maid did consider that in her current state her raiding activities must perforce be limited to breathing upon her enemies that they too might partake of the Dread Con Crud.

Such thoughts meandering through her mind, she did prepare herself for the final blast of inept programming, though at least this day’s horror for the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess did be limited in scope by comparison with the Friday and Saturday horrors, for it did read thusly:


10 AM Author’s Alley

11 AM Family Feud, in which the Hoyt family (and assorted others) did compete against (and honorably defeat) the Williamson family (and assorted others).

1 PM How to Serve Mythical Creatures, in which the Elder Hoyt Spawn did aid the Redhead of Doom

2 PM Cover Design

3 PM Closing Ceremony

It must be said that all by the closing of the Family Feud – Kate the Impaler did compete as an honorary Williamson for the occasion, lest the Hoyts outnumber his family overmuch – were sufficiently wearied that dialog did not sparkle as it had done earlier in the convention, and the warrior maiden herself did croak like unto an asthmatic frog much of the time.

And yet, all seemed to take much enjoyment from the experience, and many were the happy faces as the visitors shuffled zombie-like from the magical realm of Choo Choo and its rather less than well maintained palace. Heartfelt farewells were bid unto friends who would not be seen for many a day – though frequent messages via the Book of Faces were assured – and, like the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess and the Dread Mathematician and their Spawn, Kate the Impaler did spend some small span of time with others resting ere they made their preparations for their journeys home.

In truth, Kate the Impaler did take much pleasure from the Convention of Liberty, but to travel thence in the belly of the dragons and face the long journey to her home afterwards did leave her thinking that unless some great enticement was offered – such as actually being on the program, albeit not as ubiquitous as the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess – or the opportunity to personally inform the Master of Programming – by means of an appropriately prepared stake – that such scheduling is Not Done, and allow other attendees to witness his leisurely demise over the course of the convention – she would not be returning.

Such were her thoughts as she collected her luggage at the Labyrinth of Doom (aka the Philadelphia Airport), located her Trusty Steed, and made her escape.

And on the following day, she rested.

If I’d realized this was going to be this long, I wouldn’t have started it. Next week we will be back to your regularly scheduled ranting. Probably. If nothing else happens.

  1. But is there a better way to collect weeks of blog material?

    August 6, 2015
    • Summer Vacation has worked for me thus far. Also got four religious history lessons out of it. *shrug* Ya do what ya gotta do.

      August 6, 2015
  2. CACS #

    …or the opportunity to personally inform the Master of Programming – by means of an appropriately prepared stake – that such scheduling is Not Done, and allow other attendees to witness his leisurely demise over the course of the convention…

    Not as entirely malcontent, but I have openly declared to the Shareholders and senior staff of the con which I work of my desire to have a Guillotine set up for my personal use. I would sit by it knitting. Anyone who knows me well understands that I would utilize it in managing certain persons, both staff and attendee who have got out of line when I deemed it necessary.

    August 6, 2015
    • Uncle Lar #

      Ah, but with the infamous guillotine one is bent over, a fast drop, and done. It was invented as a kindness, to save the condemned from an incompetent headsman with a dull axe.
      Kate, lovely lady though she certainly is based on my brief time in her presence at LC, is more of a mind for a “leisurely demise” based on the assumption that said scheduling was not simple incompetence, but rather malfeasance.
      A knowledgeable hangman can choose to use a stiff new rope and place the knot so as to snap the neck of the condemned, really a kindness. Or they can use a soft old rope and place the knot so their victim takes many minutes to expire. Kate has the option of how long a stake to use. Tall and it’s over rather quickly. Short and it can take days. Can’t swear to it as we haven’t spoken on the subject, but I suspect she’s of a mind that the shorter the better. I would never want her to be in any way shape or form unhappy with me. I pity the fool who managed to raise her ire.

      August 6, 2015
      • Or perhaps, at a token of appreciate to their expertise in setting up a con, invite them to be the guest of honor on several panels. Of course, said panels run from dawn to after dusk over several days.

        August 6, 2015
      • I would also not wish to be that director of programing… It seems to me that there is a line and it should be unpleasant for that august being should that line encounter them directly if the rumblings herein are any indication.

        August 6, 2015
        • Dunking booth? Into tepid to warm water, in the middle of an asphalt parking lot? (Since it will be in July next year, after all) With privacy/breeze shields to stop all air movement?

          August 6, 2015
          • Is the humidity in that location of sufficient level that even tepid/warm water will not provide cooling?

            August 6, 2015
            • We could run misters (that is, misting fans).

              August 6, 2015
              • Definitely a possibility… *ponders* I think the director of programing would be wise to hide from this crowd.

                August 6, 2015
  3. Paul (Drak Bibliophile) Howard #

    I wonder if it is safe to ask Kate the Impaler about the next Con Book? [Nervous Smile]

    August 6, 2015
    • Ooooo! A panelist muttering curses as she runs from panel to panel, all unaware that she really is a witch and her generously distributed curses are scattered randomly in her wake, creating chaos . . .

      August 6, 2015
  4. It was great to finally meet you in person though! 🙂 Sorry you got the crud at the end…

    August 7, 2015
  5. Speaking of the dread Kate, I’d love to know what you all think of what we’ve created using her as inspiration over at Tempest in a Teardrop

    August 13, 2015

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