by Chris McMahon
One of the amazing things about writing is how it can absorb any amount of thought and inspiration. It’s almost like magic – putting all those hundreds of hours into such a small space (in my case probably the same paragraph).
I have always agonised about my prose, and re-drafted endlessly (not that this has stopped people from believing I took little care because of missed typos), however I never realised how much this could be taken to the next level until I attended the One Book One Brisbanes Masterclass in 2010. This Masterclass was one of the prizes for the winning authors of the 2009 One Book Many Brisbane’s competition (along with a very handy $1000 :)). It was such an excellent experience turning up for each of the three days with a bunch of other authors to meet your tutor and discuss your piece. It made you feel like . . . well . . . that this writing thing was actually legitimate.
For this particular year of OBMB the short had an upper word limit of 2500, however this message was well and truly in the small print, and my story was written to the usual competition length of 6000 words (the winning entries were picked on the first half a page, story description and author profiles). So I had a real task on my hands trying to screw down the word length and preserve the original story. Cutting down from 6000 to around 3300 was tough, but fairly straightforward with condensation, removal of some scenes and sections etc. But going from 3300 to 2500! Man that was tough! This was where a morning’s work was measured in an excision of three words.
I don’t think I have every examined word choices and sentences to such an intense degree. My tutor Sue Abbey was excellent, continually pointing out what she considered weak, or where things could be improved. This experience brought home to me how fantastic it is to have a professional editor. One of the valuable things that a publisher offers an author.
It was not until this experience that I realised exactly how far individual word choice could be taken. It has put me on the alert ever since, and given me a sense of when I need to push the language to another level – or when I am ‘coasting’ on a prior level of expression.
If I had to go through a novel-length manuscript at the same level I did for that 2500 word story I think it would kill me.
This word choice can be particularly important when you are trying to sell your manuscript. Your key pitch, which wisdom says should be no longer than 25 words, and the page-and-half synopsis both need the clearest, punchiest writing with excellent word choice. The language in this case needs to be carefully crafted to reflect the nature of the original work, and be emotive – perhaps even sensational.
What was the most intense you have ever worked to improve the same piece of writing?
PS: If you want to read my story Under the Queen’s Skirts (period crime) from the 2009 One Book Many Brisbanes you can here.
Mad Genius Club 
5 responses to “Screwing Down the Language”
Wow, Chris. I can’t believe they chose the winners on ‘the winning entries were picked on the first half a page, story description and author profiles’
How could they make a decision on that alone? There are so many nuances to writing that they’d miss doing it this way.
They weren’t really choosing the winners on the strength of their stories, but on the type of story with the intention of editing, I’d say.
Meant to add I had a similar experience when I was mentoring writers at EnVision. We’d look at major things like story flow and narrative pacing, world building logic and character arcs. And if all that was working, we’d move onto the nitty gritty, which is where word choice can be incredibly powerful.
Hi, Rowena. I think the focus was different for each writer depending on the story and the tutor. Sue worked a lot with me on the finer points, but for others I am sure it was more into structure etc.
They have tried to mix up the formula for OBMB. I think in this case they were trying to promote developing writers, so the author profile was a key part of it. Still – for a short story, the first half a page gives a pretty good taste of the piece. After all, if a potential editor does not want to read on after that – they would probably not read the whole thing anyway.
I think in all short forms of story telling, inluding short stories and movies, it’s almost as it every sentence, paragraph or scene needs to serve at least two purposes, if not more.
Even backgounds need to be active. Remember Star Wars? When all you needed was a couple spaceships duelling against a backdrop of stars to be ultra cool. Then look at the latest Trek movie. Every space scene takes place agaist a jaw-dropping nebula, or planet or in some insanely dangerous debris field.
There’s ne’er a dull moment and I guess that’s the way is has to be when you’re compressing a lot of cool stuff into a limited space either on the page, or on film..
Absolutely, Chris. I remember one cool shot from the first Spiderman – when Peter Parker first climbs the wall at the advent of his powers. There is a short down at him when he is at the base of the wall through a circle of razor wire that had a spiderweb in it. Just a second or two – but it conveyed how his powers and persona would always be joined with danger. Great stuff.