Some bloke posted on X that the ambitions and hobbies of all men are chosen to improve their chances of finding a mate. Now, I am sure this is true for him, and like so many people he does assume all others at least of his sex are absolutely identical to him. His theory, for what it is worth, was that desire to reproduce is primal and dominates all other things. Tell that to a man who is cold and wet to the point of hypothermia, or hungry, or even thirsty. Deal with the actual survival primaries, and yes, once you’re warm and comfortable enough, if you don’t breed you can think of it, long-term, as evolution in action.
But it made me laugh a lot. I suppose it does rather depend on your definition of ‘hobby’ and where that crosses into ‘sport’ or ‘interest’ — but I have seen enough people describe hunting or fishing that way. The girls you meet in these circumstances – you will have a lot of competition for, as the ratio is worse than the female: male ratio in an Ivy League Social Science class. At least they’re girls you can share an interest with, and quite possibly show you can gather food. A good trait, I would have thought, in mate selection…
But on the opposite extreme, plenty of folk who describe ‘reading’ as a hobby.
Now, I AM biased. I’m a chronic reader, and I married a chronic reader, and our kids are both readers, and married readers. And I suppose were I a young unmarried spud looking at profiles for someone to chat to as a possible life-mates, seeing ‘loves books/reading’ or loves ‘sf/fantasy’ would push my interest buttons, and perhaps it works the other way. I don’t know, I have never been female, and can’t speak for them, except to say it is probably not universal. I say this because I know for some couples it obviously wasn’t a deal-breaker!
Really, reading is a solitary pastime – one I believe adds a lot of value to potential mate, but as a way of getting out and meeting people, is probably not strategic genius — or what most readers, who would like to be left alone to enjoy their book in peace, took this ‘hobby’ up for. Personally, I kind of like the fact that I can avoid people when I have a book to read. And I can put it down any time I like if the people in the book are irritating me. This is less frequently possible in real life – although I have found picking up a book does switch them off.
There is, despite this, value to found in reading and the keeping of a relationship (which, after all, is good for raising the next set of genes). Especially if you read the same kind of book – it’s a common interest. And it is a valuable indicator to parents looking to see if their kid’s latest girlfriend/boyfriend should be a keeper to be encouraged… If they understand that ‘social interaction’ in a reading household is sitting in the same room, while all reading, and that social chit-chat means possibly occasional interruptions of importance like “Anyone want tea?” or “Anyone else fancy a snack?” you’re probably onto a keeper, kid. (Both my D-i-L displayed this. And I remember with horror the one who didn’t read and kept talking to us. Didn’t last, TG)
So yes, a shared interest in books may not be an obvious mate attraction technique, but it does ease friction in future households, and sometimes provide glue to keep them together.
Besides, you get to discover all their books too.
Mad Genius Club 
7 responses to “Strange Attractors”
(Snorted my cold caffeinated morning beverage over “the one who didn’t read and kept talking to us”).
I have a much more fundamental take on this… if mate candidate isn’t an inveterate reader (any form), he isn’t a candidate. Period. There are other important considerations, but that one is inviolate. This is as much for the other person’s comfort as my own — it’s a base-level incompatibility on both sides.
I met my wife in high school. She was the only girl in the wargaming club I headed. Where other members of the group saw an obnoxious girl invading our haunts (including her brother) I saw opportunity.
Maybe it helped that as club president I was the alpha male in a society of nerds (a nerd alpha male, if you prefer) but we eventually married. Later on we lost interest in games, but her later hobby of quilting and mine of building model ships were complementary. Yes, we were both readers, too.
Our marriage produced three sons and lasted over 40 years, ending only with her death.
The strongest marriage I’ve seen is between two people who had shared values (boomers who had inherited the traditional values of their Greatest Generation parents instead of rebelling against them, and were kind of misfits in early 1970s culture) and some shared interests like travel, fishing, Golden Age mysteries, gardening and interior decorating, but also had somewhat complementary personalities (the wife of the couple expressed it once to me as “when he’s down, I’m usually up, and the other way around, so there’s always one to cheer the other up”). Only one of them was really a “nerd culture” kind of person (Star Wars, Star Trek, hard SF, Tolkien) while the other was mostly just tolerant of it.
Not comfortable talking about my personal life here, but the kinds of fictional characters that interest me suggest that my subconscious is mostly hypergamous for intelligence rather than muscles. 🙂
We do not pick hobbies. They pick us. ~:D
Men involved with cars, motorcycles, woodworking, machines of any kind, computers, God forbid airplanes, are not in it to attract the ladies.
You go to a car show, and the very few women in attendance were dragged along by men. Or they’re models, posing next to gentlemen’s cars for a small fee. Popular, but not really available if you take my meaning.
That might be a touch overbroad, Phantom. Contrary example is $SPOUSE$.
While not interested in going to a modern car show, she is absolutely fascinated by antique cars (and farm equipment). First place she drags my reluctant rear end to when we go to the county or State fairs.
Unicorn! Guard her with your life. And take her to a steam show. https://www.osapa.ca/STEAM-ERA
That one is in Ontario, there are tons of them in the USA.
I have a unicorn of my own, she likes cars shows. ~:D GoodGuys Scottsdale!
I don’t necessarily think your original poster does all of his hobbies to attract women or “assume[s] all others at least of his sex are absolutely identical to him.” I think he’s the Darwinist equivalent of a religious absolutest.
There’s a big difference between recognizing that traits that help you find mates are more likely to get passed on and believing that every trait ever exhibited by any living thing is there because it helped that creature find a mate. Believe it or not, there are traits that just exist, not evolutionarily helpful or harmful in any way.
Natural selection is real, but it’s not the only factor at work. The guy who believes that everything people do can be explained by trying to pass on genes is no different from the guy who thinks that the only answer needed to every question is, “Because it’s God’s will.”