Ten Signs That You Might Be A Novel’s Character
1- Nothing is ever easy, nor simple. Say you are walking across the street to get a gallon of milk. A rare make of car will almost run you down. The store that sells the milk will be out of milk. You’ll have to walk across the most dangerous area of town to get to the next store.
This means someone is making you terminally interesting.
2- You remember more near-death experiences than a character in iZombie.
This is probably just background infodumps. The author is trying to show how resilient you are.
3- All or your friends are terminally interesting and can be counted on for either an explosion or comic relief when needed.
This is good for keeping the plot moving when you’re tired/recovering/ill.
4- You have one or more catch phrases.
This is very useful for delineating a character when the author doesn’t have particularly good character skills.
5- You consistently get interrupted when you try to tell people the most important part of any story.
This is an attempt to create suspense. Not a very clever one. BUT, you know, sooner or later your author might find a good writers’ group.
6- You have almost lost a friendship to a huge misunderstanding which would have been cleared up if you’d just paid attention.
7- People are insanely attracted to you, despite age/body type/lack of interest.
8- You have one or more unlikely abilities, which comes in handy in circumstances that should never strike. Say you are a camel whisperer. It will turn out the only way to escape a traffic jam is on camel back. If you’re this well foreshadowed, you might want to consider you only exist within pages of a novel.
9- You never cry. You’ve tried to, but you just can’t cry. You can REMEMBER crying, but that’s probably back history. Main characters don’t cry, because then the reader will have to.
10 – You don’t remember some of the more exciting episodes in your life, or not in detail, particularly if they involve more than three people. This is because crowd scenes are very hard to write, but easier to summarize.
BONUS: if you keep finding people who were murdered in bizarre ways, you’re not the main character of a novel. You’re an amnesiac mass murderer.