Kate the Impaler and the Convention of Liberty

Part the Fifth

Kate the Impaler has survived the first day of LibertyCon. But the con isn’t over…

It came to pass that as the night did give way unto the day, the warrior maiden Kate the Impaler did awaken and roundly curse the miscreant who had – so she swore – crept in to her room while she slept and implanted a razor blade in her throat. Said miscreant must remain unpunished, alas, for there was much to do ere the first session of the day.

The parlous programming of the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess and her beloved Dread Mathematician ensured that Kate the Impaler would be busy the entire day, assisting her dear friends through this torture – for torture indeed it was, and the Lady Sarah was not the only one desiring the head (or other suitable appendage) of the Master of Programming in payment for his sins.

The programming did fall thusly:


10 AM Alien Minds: Portrayal in Science Fiction

11 AM The Hoyt Collective Reading (Sarah, Dan, and Robert)

12 PM How to Write Workshop (a two hour session)

2 PM The Baen Travelling Slideshow and Prize Patrol (another 2 hour session)

4 PM Indie: Is your book ready for prime time

5 PM Autograph Session

Lest it be thought they might rest after this, be it known the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess was required by Empress of Baen to attend an intimate dinner of some seventy close friends upon the finish of her autographing session, and as such, she would be working without break from ten of the morning until late that night – though at least the Empress of Baen would indeed ensure that her dear friend the Lady Sarah would not go without sustenance.

Thus did Kate the Impaler sip of hot water and lemon to ease her throat while breaking her fast, upon completion of which necessity she did locate the nearest merchant of medicinal goods and purchase a quantity of throat lozenges to ward herself against further soreness of throat (though in truth, the pain did not desist, merely reduced to a level at which the warrior maiden might endure it without complaint).

And so, she did assist by guiding the Lady Sarah from place to place, that the Mathematician might worry only about ensuring that all materials needed be present and not concern himself with his lady’s… unique grasp of navigation.

The workshop, Kate the Impaler had wished to attend that she might observe the workings of the Redheads of Doom, but alas! Matters beyond the control of mere mortals had prevented the Lady Amanda, the Redhead of Doom (or the Other Redhead of Doom) from journeying to the land of Choo Choo. And so it came to pass that Kate the Impaler did get dragged unto the presenting table wherein the most un-workshoppy workshop did take place – for one cannot work, much less shop, in a room bereft of tables upon which to work (and shop), with no places where posters or other such helpful items might be displayed, and too many attendees to suggest the more limber be seated upon the floor and use their chairs as impromptu tables.

Thus, the workshop became a discussion with all offering suggestions and comments and much enjoyment had by all.

It must be said that by the autographing session, Kate the Impaler did be in worse state than the Beautiful But Evil Space Princess, and with far less reason, so though she had greatly enjoyed all the panels she had attended and wished she were able to continue the evening, she was thankful the Empress of Baen did not require her presence. Such a mighty personage was far beyond a mere warrior maiden’s notice, and the warrior did make her weary way first to the Convention Place of Repast, wherein she did satisfy her hunger, and thence to her suite, where she was soon once more asleep, with hopes that the Dread Con Crud would be less severe come the morning.

To be continued (almost there…)


  1. Had not realized you were unwell, pissed yes, but I assumed it was over the massive over scheduling of the Hoyts. Given the layout of the venue with multiple locations not all that convenient to each other, and the lack of any break in the schedule lady Sarah would have wasted away had you, Dan, Robert, and a few of us seen to it that she had sustenance during the panels.
    Said schedule was so entirely relentless that one might almost suspect a malicious hand responsible rather than simple incompetence, mightent one?
    I assume you’ve had conversations with the Dread Mathematician about where this is all headed?
    More than a little interested myself in the ultimate resolution.

    1. Yes, I was suffering the worst con crud I’ve had in a long time. As well as pissed over the appalling excuse for a schedule.

      The ultimate resolution to the programming debacle could be a while coming: there are things going on behind the scenes that are probably best not aired out in public – but one must remember that sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice.

      (That doesn’t mean I don’t want to kill the SOB, incidentally. Open season on stupid damn well ought to be a thing)

      1. Post LC I got fairly deeply involved in some discussions that lead to some very interesting details in that regard. I must beg to differ with you in one respect. The true difference between incompetence and malice lies in the intent of the perpetrator. Stupid is the nature of the world, hateful intent deserves retribution.
        I started with the assumption that the whole mess was a simple case of extremely poor planning and a great lack of communication. My original goal was to make sure the proper parties were aware of the mistakes made so a similar situation would never happen again. If you’ve spoken to Dan and Sarah you know that I found that things went far beyond that. I did make sure that both Hoyts were fully briefed on everything I was privy to, and at that point Dan recommended that I drop it and let him deal with things. Since She is the Princess of Evil and he is her Dread Mathematician I was more than willing to comply with their wishes.
        Still, you and I should really do some off line plotting. Personally I think killing is too good for said sorry SOB. Maybe something in a short splintery stake soaked in salt and vinegar?

    2. Inflatable Sarahs seems like the only answer. Just have a minion bring it into the panel, reading, or whatever, blow it up, pose it, and then play the appropriate pre-recorded messages as needed. Why, we can have Sarah Hoyt’s any time, any place! An army of Sarah Hoyt’s in every conference!

      1. Please put me down for an even dozen inflatable Sarahs and a large tank of helium.

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