When Teh Stoopid and Teh Bad English Attacks

Something most of the better writers know about is the matter of having the correct word rather than one that’s close but not quite there.

Then there’s what you see in the wilder parts of the Internets. Like, say, the vagina cookies reddit. No I am not joking. The thread starts here and while the original post has more than a little scary to it, the email screenshots  (if this is a true story) are a lesson in why it helps to know what the words you’re using actually mean. Also why paragraphs are nice.

So. Without further ado (actual quotes from the email are in italics)…

express my feeling of todays incident I have to admit when a phrase has me wondering just what it’s a euphemism for, there isn’t going to be much sensible discussion happening. Sorry. So, does this mean that the incident was felt up? How many todays were involved? The sad thing is this could be perfectly sensible English with the addition of one letter, replacing a word, and adding one apostrophe. You good folk don’t even need me to tell you where.

Depriving them for that. I think that one should have been OF that.

Then she complains about the lack of disrespect. If I was being shown a lack of disrespect I’d be delighted.

Of course, I also wouldn’t bring cookies meant to represent vaginas (which really should be vulvas, but we won’t go there – at least not while we’re trying to keep the discussion more or less PG – especially since the writer also talks about informing people about the vagina and how to please it) and I think she meant appreciate it, but I’m not prepared to put money on that. Just saying.

The comments thread includes some brilliant snark – including the set of comments on the implications of that comment about informing people about the vagina and how to please it… Just imagine what would happen if you substituted “penis” there. (Oh, yes, this little incident involved a second grade class. You know. 8 year olds.)

I do have to wonder about the commenter who said the best part of the story was that the poster used “bemused” correctly. I know this is reddit, which is not exactly a source of literature (in the good sense, not the wannabe literary types idea of it), but still… When using “bemused” correctly outweighs some of the truly bizarre imagery and the seriously terrifying final observation?

And all of this could have been avoided with a little intelligence on the part of the woman who thought that it was appropriate to bring genital cookies to her 8 year old’s classroom (as in, “if you did the same thing with penises, would you be arrested?” When the answer to that question is “yes”, you probably shouldn’t do it with vaginas. Or vulvas. Or testes. Or… well. You get the idea.). If said female had been capable of basic English, her email would still be a prime example of Teh Stoopid, but it would be grammatically correct Stoopid.

Yeesh.

At this rate I’m going to transform into a grammar nazi. It’s a horrible way to go.

33 comments

  1. “Lack of disrespect” reminded me of a time I was watching a local news/talk show several years back, where two local politicians and a moderator were all talking about the need to set up a “wellness prevention program”.

  2. Without reading the comment… perhaps the ‘best part’ of using ‘bemused’ correctly is that the writer couldn’t use much more ordinary words correctly so how did they get that one right?

    1. I thought the commenter was ironically commenting on the low bar set for the “best part” of the post…

  3. Hell, they ought to have classes on how to please the (genitals) for 17 year olds, even 27 year olds. Most people have no clue other than what they pick up, most of which is of doubtful veracity. However I don’t think it should be taught to anyone to young to legally use the knowledge. I know this isn’t part of what you are talking about but, it is sad that something so important to the happiness of our partners is left to trial and error. Sad that something so basic can’t even be discussed openly

      1. You’d do better to have the schools ban it and say it’s evil. Then everyone would want to know what the fuss was about and they’d learn about it in the process.

  4. How much of what you see on the internet is true? How can we tell? How much of it is trollish or role playing to generate the outrage and the mockery? How much is bait or designed to drive serious people away?

    How much is juvenile rebellion intended to stick your finger in someone’s eye.?

    1. All of it is true. Didn’t you know? “I saw it on the internet” is an impeccable reference. (runs away)

  5. No, Kate, sweetheart – you’re going to transform into an Australian grammar nazi. It’s something like a didgeridoo in denial, I understand . . . but then, couldn’t didgeridoos be used to please other portions of anatomy if they’re blown just right?

    🙂

    (Sorry, I just couldn’t resist!)

  6. Umm, now that could be a fun way to respond to SJWs’ blogs and posts. Grammar nazi them, give them a grade, one for writing skills, one for, er, rationality.

  7. The importance of pleasing the Vagina… made me think of the Star Trek episode “The Apple”. Instead of the villagers working to please their dragon headed cave-god Vaal, well, you know where this train of thought is going….

    “The Vagina is displeased!”
    “Quickly, we must prepare a sacrifice.”
    “I have glitter!”

      1. Sounds like the Feminist vision of sex (When they deign to have Cis-normative heterosexual sex), a man kowtowing, forehead to the floor, and the “goddess” on her throne, saying “The Vagina is pleased.”

          1. They’re trying to be what they hate, and what they hate is based on their false image of men being all about their dicks. They obsess about penises, they imbue them with power, and hate their own lack of one. So as an answer they try to console themselves by “celebrating” their vaginas.

            Ugh, I should stop. This is better handled by Vox.

            1. I don’t think even Vox wants to “handle” that one. Mock it, yes. Touch it with a ten foot barge pole and industrial strength rubber gloves? Hell, no.

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