Quick! Write a fight. Fast, abrupt, blow by blow. He punched. She kicked. A lamp flew across the room. The guards fell. Another kick landed.
The book flies against the wall! The reader falls asleep. Why? Because a string of short phrases and sentences, which the author used because that’s what the writing books said is the best thing to do, got boring. Oops. Which is probably a worse crime than being technically incorrect. The latter is wince inducing among those of us who might be familiar with the type of weapon/martial art/fight involved. The former kills the book for the reader. Rather like reading certain “adult situations” in romance that are pages of anatomy rather than of romantic development.
Below is the checklist I got at a “how to write action scenes” clinic session.
What is motivating the character in the scene? [Is it get the McGuffin? Save his lady love? Avoid getting caught as she sneaks out of a place she wasn’t supposed to be, perhaps with state secrets in her handbag? Is it challenge the bad guy to one-on-one combat to save the city? There has to be a solid reason behind getting into the fight, even if you the author don’t agree with it necessarily. The character has to believe it, and thus the readers.]
What is keeping her from getting what she wants or needs? [Is it the guards? Getting caught between two gangs and having to fight his way out? Being caught by someone’s body guard? Mean dogs that have not been fed today? A curse and a ghost?]
Where is everyone? [If you don’t know, and the reader doesn’t know, the scene will be a confusing muddle. A quick summary of who’s where, and of any important furnishings or weapons, is a good feature to include as your PoV character scouts the room. It will also keep you from having your characters inadvertently teleport.]
Does the action change the situation? [If not, why the fight {or love scene}? Move the story along, and perhaps save the description of the fight for a place where it can move the story, like in a tavern later, impressing someone who will hire the protagonist, or go to bed with him.]
Which is more important: choices or choreography? [there’s a right answer. It is “choices.” What your character does and why drives the scene. Making sure that the correct sword fighting style is used in the proper way is less important {OK, unless you are a character in The Princess Bride. IYKYK.}]
Does the PoV affect what is described and how? [Can your character know about the guard running up the hall toward the sound of the fight? Of the other lover hiding in the wardrobe who will fall out and into the fight at the wrong (or right) moment? About the secret passageway that will allow her to get away? No? Then the author had better plan that into the scene.]
Do injuries and fatigue matter? [They’d better, or the book will fly. Kick someone hard in the knee and she’s doing to be ineffective in some way, depending on how much damage was done. A bullet in the shoulder is not an injury Sam Spade will shrug off and keep going. He’s going to lose use of that arm ASAP, and will be in rehab for quite a while. And so on. The protagonist, if hurt, will have slowed reaction times and limited motion.]
Is there at least one meaningful reversal in the scene? [You need to keep building stakes and make the victory worthwhile for the reader and the protagonist.]
What does victory cost? [Time? Love? Respect? Two months on the bench doing physical therapy and not earning money? A chewing out from the boss for messing up part of the investigation, as well as thanks for finding the McGuffin? Home and loved ones who cannot accept that the hero had to fight, and now consider him a failure for resorting to violence?]
When the scene ends, what’s different? [If nothing, why the scene?]
Notice that combat accuracy is nowhere in this list. The presenter said, more or less, “do your homework, or elide it so you don’t make massive mistakes.” He had read a scene (horrible warning) that had various audience members groaning for several different reasons. I could tell that the writer of the original scene had never had a knee injury, for example. Which fighting style wasn’t as important as knowing where everyone was, and what the reason for the scene happened to be. Going back, we redid the scene to be more entertaining, and believable.
For a master class, read some of Larry Correia’s fight scenes. Long sentences are not slow when he writes a fight. Or read the sword fights in The Princess Bride.
Keep in mind, too that an action scene can be a battle. If your PoV is that of the battlefield commander, he should not be in the thick of fighting. I fudged things in Elizabeth and Empire because I was blending two historical people into one character, and readers wouldn’t be surprised that she would get into trouble, even when she was supposed to be safe and literally above the fray. If you are writing a modern battlefield commander, he’s not going to be leading from one of the tanks, or with the infantry. Think Princess Leia in the original Star Wars at the Battle of Yavin.
Now, go forth, and write fun action scenes that do not lead to books being walled.
17 responses to “Writing Fight and Other Action Scenes”
Excellent advice. Thanks for sharing. I especially like the one about what’s different after the fight.
You’re welcome. Depending on the genre and character, the answer might be “not much, but he’s a mile closer to his goal” or “that’s two minor thugs off the street and a quieter rest of the night.” Or it could be, “her entire world changed that day.” This also applies to other action scenes as well [door closes, scene shifts to next morning].
Louis L’Amour won 50 out of 51 prize boxing matches. That man knew how to write a fight scene!
I once ran across someone who recommended playing the fight as a D&D session and then it would be real because it was real.
shudder
Leaving aside the whims of the dice, the blow by blow is tedious. Much better to throw in a clever tactic.
Don’t bother with dice rolls, but using one of the map builders / combat trackers from something like Fantasy Grounds or Roll20 can be useful for visualizing the scene. Fantasy Grounds also has a Line of Sight tool showing which areas of the map are visible to a given character.
You wouldn’t want to transcribe the D&D session blow for blow, but I could see a couple of advantages to doing something like that.
First, it reminds you that everyone involved is doing their best to win. The other side is going to take actions that make sense for them, not simply to set up your characters to look good.
Second, especially if you’re using miniatures, it can give you an idea of what’s physically possible. I remember reading a few stories involving cars where I wanted to hand the author a handful of Hot Wheels and say, “Here, show me how this works. If, at any point, you have to pick up the cars and carry them somewhere else, you need to rewrite the scene.” I could see something similar being achieved with tokens on a hex board, where you can figure out exactly where everyone is supposed to be, how far they need to move to do what you want, and if that movement involves going insubstantial and traveling through other people!
Oh, yeah. But that’s the power of visualization, not the D&D
It is helpful but not absolutely necessary to know your way around a fight if you want to write a fight scene. I, for example, have never been in a sword fight.
From The The Crossroads and the Oni by Edward Thomas (who is me, by the way) a sword fight:
#
As they approached the bridge, the men strode forward with cocky swaggers and jutting chins. “Ho, you old b*tch!” shouted the first one. “Hold up a minute, we would have words with your great lord!” The other four laughed loudly at that sally.
“Are you talking about me, you punk?” shouted old Sakiko. “Is that the same mouth you kiss your mother with? You should be taught some manners!” She dropped the lead rope and shuffled up to them, the end of her bo staff thumping on the road. “Which one of you wants the first lesson?!” She waved the staff threateningly.
“Get lost old goat,” said the nearest, leaning forward to cuff her. “We’ve got business with your owner.”
The old woman tilted her head just far enough that the tough’s hand slid by without contact, then banged the butt of her staff sharply on his instep. Her blow broke the first and second metatarsal bones of his foot, and the surprised samurai fell on his face as his leg collapsed under him. He gritted his teeth against the sudden pain and reached for his sword, but she slammed the butt of the staff on his elbow, shattering the medial epicondyle and paralyzing his hand.
“It helps to know where all the muscles attach,” commented young Sakiko to Katahito from her seat on the ox cart. “Two economical blows, no effort at all, and the man is out of the fight.”
“NEXT!” roared the old lady glaring at the suddenly cautious men as her first victim cried out in pain, rolling in the dust of the road. He’d taken the broken foot in silence, but the shattered elbow was too much for him.
“You die!” shouted another tough, drawing his katana and rushing her. He came on with no plan, intent on cutting her down like a dog.
She took half a step back, turned her hips away from the onrushing samurai, then stepped forward and speared him high in the sternum. It didn’t look like much of a jab, she only moved a few inches, but the samurai’s feet flew out from under him, and his sword went spinning away.
“Many swordsmen carry their weight high, that they may bring it down on their opponents,” said Sakiko calmly as Katahito cast a doubting sidelong look at her. “If I keep my weight low and hit him high, he goes right on his back. I haven’t even worked up a sweat yet.”
The remaining three samurai backed up fast and drew their swords as the spearing victim curled up in the street and clawed for breath.
Old Sakiko spun the staff between her fingers and regarded them scornfully. “You draw steel on a poor old lady armed with a tree branch? My, what brave and noble men you are! Who’s next for their lessons? How about you, fat boy? You look like the leader of this little baboon troupe. Come and learn some manners!”
“Kill this b*tch!” shouted the biggest samurai and shoved the other two forward. “Do it!”
The two looked at each other, realized they had no choice, and rushed her with swords high. Together they could tumble her ugly head in the dirt.
Old Sakiko grinned her snaggle teeth and waited for them. As they rushed, one pulled a little in front. She stepped to his outside and struck his knee with her staff, his sword swinging past her head. The stricken man fell shrieking to the ground, his kneecap broken.
“In swordsmanship the targets are the head, the neck, the heart, the bowels. Things that the sword can cut.” Sakiko nodded toward the man rolling on the ground crying over his leg. “With a stick, the targets are the bones, the joints, the skull. Things the stick can break. When you have two or more opponents, you must get them in each other’s way and spoil their coordination. That way you only fight one at a time.” She indicated her old woman body as she turned in place to face the last of the four toughs. He had gone past, his sword stroke foiled by having his partner fall in front of him and nearly trip him. He turned around and came back at her slowly, finally understanding that she was not to be underestimated. Trying to set her up for a finishing blow of the sword.
“It appears the young samurai has all the advantages here,” continued Sakiko softly inside Katahito’s helmet as the man stalked the old woman. She stood still with one hand on the butt of the staff and one hand in the middle, the top pointed toward her opponent. “The sword will cut though the bo staff instantly, so I cannot parry. He has the advantage of height and strength, being male and bigger than old granny.” She stopped her commentary and waited for the samurai to commit.
He dithered a bit, dancing up high on his toes as his three friends groaned and rolled on the road in pain, then finally made his charge. Old Sakiko smoothly slid the staff through her hand and speared him just above the bridge of the nose with the end of the staff. He fell unconscious on his face, a red mark visible where she had struck him.
“The advantage of the staff is reach,” concluded beautiful Sakiko. “That blow to the forehead is usually fatal, I pulled it quite a bit to keep from killing the young fool.”
“I might have managed the first two,” said Katahito appreciatively. “The other two, one of them would have cut me. Just as they did at the crossroads.”
“I have the advantage of age my dear,” said Sakiko patting his armored shoulder comfortingly. “I’ve seen this dance so many times, I can’t even tell you. I have also learned from many great warriors over the ages, not all you see here is of my creation. The Egyptians, the Chinese, Mongols, Greeks, Romans, Vikings, the mad Scotti who paint themselves blue, the black men of Africa, I have seen them all and learned their lore. I will teach you the condensed version.”
“You maintain I will be able to do such feats?” asked Katahito skeptically. “What I have seen here smacks of the miraculous, just like my armor.”
“I have one more great advantage, poor mortal man,” she said lightly, as if it were of little consequence. “They cannot kill me as they can you. If grandma and the attack beast and this pretty body here are all killed, I will continue. I am spread out to places that the hands of Man cannot reach. Beyond the moon, beyond the circling planets. I am like the witch who hides her heart inside a tree and can never be slain. I just grow back. Like weeds in a rice field.”
#
Sometimes it helps to watch sword-fighting videos on YouTube. ~:D
It can sometimes be helpful to tell it from the viewpoint of the character who dived for cover the instant the fighting stop. Even if this character has a perfect view, he’s unlikely to have the knowledge to disentangle the confusion.
Motivation is easier in LitRPG: Monster pops up, you fight it. As Luke says, “it’s easier if they try to eat you first. You don’t have track, sneak, or spend time following. They just pop up in your face and then you kill them.”
My characters don’t know how to fight, partially because I don’t. They’re not bad at basic tactics, but none of them are trained fighters. They make it up as they go, which results in things such as throwing a hatchet or knife at something and hitting it with the handle.
They also don’t know anatomy so the bones they break are not named, which is consistent with invented critters whose bones don’t have names.
If detailed, I tend to act out the motions to be sure nothing impossible is happening. One can just point a gun. A swinging axe has momentum.
Writing the werewolf running scene from the human mind perspective took watching a lot of dog running videos. People don’t gallop. Changing them into wolves allows it to happen but doesn’t make them good at it.
I use MMA fights, similarly. I will probably end up watching a bunch of HEMA videos at some point.
HEMA can be interesting, because it tends to be slower than what the movies show. Depending on your time period, watching things from the Battle of Nations (European reenactors, not Napoleon at Leipzig) and fights from the movie/series Captain Alatriste can be very useful.
OK, how does this one sound:
———————————
Daniel didn’t see the fist, and the spiked brass knuckles, before they smashed into the right side of his face. He fell, dazed, his head cracked against the sidewalk and he only half-felt the additional impacts on his back, chest, belly, legs…
Tovala didn’t see the fist either, but some feeling prompted her to move her head aside and raise her arm. She saw it then, caught the wrist, pivoted, took one step and shoved her assailant in front of the second one reaching for her. The world around her seemed to slow down, and her senses became preternaturally sharp.
Situational awareness. Four enemies were attacking. All were large males, wearing black cloths over their heads. She had just fended off two of them for the moment, but they remained imminent threats. The other two were not, because they were…
Everything came together. Her life-mate lay on the ground, bleeding, being kicked and stomped viciously by two enemies. She felt a volcanic rage rise within her, while an icy clarity descended on her mind. She found the dichotomy disconcerting, yet oddly familiar at the same time. Within a fraction of a second, she analyzed her tactical situation and knew exactly what she had to do. Conflicting emotions were an irrelevant distraction. She dismissed them abruptly, clamped her jaw down, and let out a menacing growl.
She pulled with her right hand and drove her left palm hard into the first enemy’s elbow, cracking it backward, producing a hoarse squawk of pain after a delay that seemed unusually long to her accelerated awareness. The second attacker was trying to get past; she wrenched at the arm she still held and shoved this one back into his path. They both tripped and fell. Broken Elbow Dude yowled as that arm hit the ground. She side-stepped to keep the damaged enemy between herself and the intact one as they struggled, untangled themselves and stood up, the one whimpering and clutching his broken arm.
Enemy Two dodged around and swung at her. She deflected the fist upward, shifted her weight back onto her left foot and unleashed three explosive side-kicks with her right: left knee, right thigh, crotch. She felt bones break, and Two dropped with a strangled screech.
She still felt a desperate urgency to rush to Daniel’s aid, but her first attacker was in her path. She set her right foot down, twisted and shot out a rear kick, burying her boot in his belly, knocking him on his ass. She stepped around, knowing without thinking about it that advancing over a downed enemy would be a mistake.
One of the attackers kicking Daniel saw her coming and rushed her, swinging a fist with a piece of metal fitted around the fingers, four sharp points sticking out from it. She had never seen anything like it before, but she didn’t care. She caught the fist, raised it over her head and spun clockwise. The piece of metal gave her something solid to grip, and a little extra leverage as she twisted it through more than a full turn with a soggy crunching noise, getting a scream from this one, too. She put her momentum into a spinning kick that slammed her right boot heel into his back. He started to crumple, her foot tapped the ground, then lashed out in a snap-kick to the knee, producing another muffled crunch. Now he was falling towards her, so she slammed her elbow into the concealed face with a wet, hollow sound. Three down.
The last enemy took one look at her war face and ran away, bowling people over.
Tovala took two steps in pursuit, then launched herself over the crowd and dropped into a combat stance front of the charging hoodlum. He yelled and started a wild swing at her, but her left leg shot out in a knife-edge kick with all of her weight behind it. Her boot slammed into his belly like a sledgehammer, jolting him to an instant stop and bringing his head down. She yanked her leg back, planted it solidly, pivoted on her right foot and twisted her torso, transferring momentum from her hips through her shoulders into a reverse punch that smashed into the cloth over his head, her augmented strength and indestructible, extra-dense bones delivering a punch that would have shattered rocks. The final enemy flopped at her feet in an untidy heap.
She pulled her fist back, still poised for mayhem, breathing hard. Her head snapped left, right, her eyes sweeping around, seeking more enemies, finding none. The electric tension drained out of her, she straightened up and looked back to where they’d first been attacked. “Daniel!” She raced through the crowd, slipping nimbly between moving bodies, dropped to her knees beside him, activated her force shield and touched his face. “Daniel?” she said softly, fearfully. Tears welled up in her eyes.
“Uhhh…” His left eye opened a bit. The right eye was well on its way to swelling shut. “Wheah an aye? Whuh tuh ffuhgh haffen?”
Her life-mate lay on the ground, bleeding, being kicked and stomped viciously by two enemies.
It reads fine on the first pass, but I think something is wrong. It’s a two element list without an “and”, but the bonus “and” saves it, somewhat.
…on the ground, bleeding and being…
but then the second ‘and’ reads even worse than the two element list, imo.
…on the ground, bleeding and being kicked and stomped…
I’m pretty sure that’s correct, despite the double ‘and’.
My, unprofessional, recommendation: merge “kicked and stomped” into “beaten”.
She felt a volcanic rage rise within her, while an icy clarity descended on her mind. She found the dichotomy disconcerting, yet oddly familiar at the same time. Within a fraction of a second, she analyzed her tactical situation and knew exactly what she had to do.
This is super hard to write. Time in fights versus reading time never works out.
There is time for the rage to rise, the clarity to descend, and introspection to occur all before the fraction of a second that is otherwise used.
You could preposition-ize it, but that rarely ends well, either.
In/With a disconcerting, yet oddly familiar, dichotomy, rage rose and icy clarity descended.
It removes the time consumed by “she found”, but participle and prepositional phrases drag on fight scenes, too.
If it were mine, I’d do what I just did, then leave it alone, assuming I even noticed.
I had a similar argument with myself over split infinitives. Sometimes, it’s fine to just not care.
https://markedup.blog/2026/05/24/split-infinitives/
She’s a cyborg, although she looks perfectly human. The computer connected to her brain has gone into combat mode; she thinks and reacts many times faster than normal. That fraction of a second is stretched waaay out.
She will explain it all while they wait for the police and ambulance, including how combat mode feels. “It’s like I was seeing everything twice at the same time, both normally and stretched out. It’s hard to describe in English, or Japanese either.”
How about: The dichotomy was disconcerting, yet oddly familiar.
That does read better. I’m a-changin’ it now. 😁
As for the life-mate sentence — does it convey a clear picture of what’s happening? If it reads fine on the first pass, I think it’s done its job.
Sorry, but you hit two peeves with the last paragraph, so here I am, again.
Her head snapped left, right, her eyes sweeping around, seeking more enemies, finding none.
So many commas.
Her head snapped left, right. The eyes are not part of the snap so there is a two element list without an “and”. If the eyes are part of the imperfect past “snapped”, then they should have “swept” not been “sweeping”
sweeping, seeking, finding A three element list without an “and”.
You participled them to dangle off the end of “snapped” rather than a period and a new sentence.
There is the infamous “as”/”while” fix that avoids a period: As her head snapped left and right, her eyes swept around, seeking more enemies and finding none.
“around” isn’t something that can be swept. “the area” is probably better.
Sometimes I go the other way. “As” and “while” get tedious if used too often. Using a period changes it up.
The electric tension drained out of her, she straightened up and looked back to where they’d first been attacked.
Comma splice. Replace it with a period. The “as” trick would work, but the fight is over. The period-as-pause is not interrupting anything.
Why is this only obvious in other people’s writing? I’m quite sure I’m worse; I just don’t see it.
Maybe it’s pressing Publish that does it.
Sometimes I go the other way. “As” and “while” get tedious if used too often. Using a period changes it up.
How about: Sometimes I go the other way: If used too often, “as” and “while” get tedious; using a period changes it up.
It’s not a real paragraph without all the punctuations!