How many times do we say that to ourselves, or hear someone say it, or read it, here, on social media, when someone says that they are a writer. “Oh, I could never do that.” Or here, it tends to be, “I’m stuck. The idea died. I just don’t have it in me anymore. No one buys my stuff so I’m a failure.”
Been there, done that. I launched, oh, five books before sales started, and even then, only once have I had a book take off like wildfire. That was good fortune, and a lot of writing before I got to that book. It wears on you. This was in the days when “five books and then you’ll take off like a rocket” was the “rule” on the ‘Zon, B&N, Kobo, and so on. Then it became ten books to wealth, then … Now it’s “a finished series, or a lot of stand alones so people don’t get burned.” Or something.
It gets old, and it wears on you. It wears on me, Sarah, Amanda, Dave, and anyone who is honest, or not a super-duper seller. It is easy to have a bad day, or week, which becomes a month, and stories languish and fade away, never told. Confidence is not easy to achieve, sometimes. I always wonder if this is the last one in the series, if I still have it in me to entertain readers, if this one is as good as the last one … Yeah, you know that feeling. I have story snippets that readers say they want more of, but I don’t think I have the chops or research skills to do justice to.
And yet I plod on, in part because stories pester me. In part because I’m too stubborn to quit.
The free-flowing chaos around us doesn’t help. There are a few people who thrive on uncertainty and challenge. They tend to be futures traders, Marines, and some attorneys. The rest of us tend to get brain cramps from chaos, or to flee from it. It doesn’t help confidence as a writer, especially a creative writer, if we don’t know what’s coming in the short term. Or in some cases, the medium term (like ever-changing tags, keywords, and categories for marketing; or availability and cost of PoD if it is done outside of the country).
You are not a failure. You might not have succeeded as well as you hoped or desired, but if you have words and stories, if you tried, you have not failed. You are ahead of a lot of people who never tried. If you enjoyed the effort and learned a little something, you are a success, even if the world disagrees.
I write on, plodding away to the keyboard, because, well, I’m too stubborn to quit now. (And I bought cover art, so I have to use it.)
Mad Genius Club 
6 responses to “I’m A Failure, I Can’t Do It, It’s Not in Me”
In his newsletters David Drake regularly wrote he went through a stage while writing a book where he was sure it was his Worst Book EVAH!. But he soldiered on, finished it and delivered it. Then it would be released to popular acclaim.
If David Drake struggled with this, I am sure it is something everyone goes through. He had the best approach to the problem: soldier on and finish the book.
Ouch! I’m in the throes of this particular anxiety: age/cognitive decline/unpublished open ended 3rd series (1st 5 books partly written/sketched out).
Will there be enough of a capability window left (after I produce enough of the “how do I do…” instructional material as guidance for self (as the brain decays), which I am busy sketching out, while I still can — taxes, wills, possessions, kill dead businesses, etc. ) ?
As a onetime professional business builder/manager/techie, it’s irritating as hell tripping over this stuff now — it used to be beneath me. Somehow I only took physical decrepitude into account when I started looking ahead – thought I’d be clever and memorious forever (despite sufficient familial counter-evidence).
I wouldn’t mind going down still writing, but it’s not the writing that bothers me — it’s the “how to advertise” marketing complexity that goes with it that makes me dread what’s coming.
Yeah, I hear you on the age and brain work part. And unfinished series, as well.
I keep telling myself to finish some things and stop starting new stuff . . . the brain is not listening. It can’t remember words, the name of the main character from last year’s book . . . but a New! Shiny! Idea! usually shows up pretty quickly when I decided it’s time to do new covers and reformat old stuff . . .
But sometimes the creativity just needs a break, or the stress level is just too high.
So far, it’s always come back. Especially when I whisper “lets edit or learn about marketing.”
We noticed the WIP and wonder about a favorite character like Kon Aslanov. or even finish Mitya story with Briar. Pam you continue to write stories . Sometime the other story stays on the back burner. What ever works for you as long as you continue your stories , either new or old.
I have noticed many writers seem insecure. Maybe that is because they are introverts and live in their imagination. Readers are voracious. We read the work so fast and want more.
As a reader the first paragraph has to grab you. My favorite example is Alan Dean Foster first Flinx book. ” Flinx was an ethical thief in that he stole only from the crooked” That makes the reader curious and want to read more. Interesting characters and a decent plot. Some books take to long to get to the point of the book and loses the interest of the reader. Some make the characters do absurd actions or over emotional and that is boring.
I have notice that many new writers love angst and the reader does not. I get tired of the tired depressed main character or is obsessed with either denial or that why me. I may read one book but not the next.
Writers sometimes lose themselves in a side story and that does not move the story along.
A writer has to be confident and upbeat . If the writer gets depressed it shows in the story . I recall Barbara Hambly very good writer. I read a few of her books and one that just jarred me too much with gloom and doom. I made a comment about the book and she replay she was going through a divorce.
So keep it up and be upbeat . If your book and story telling is good it will sell.
Just a few thoughts from a reader.
Life has been way too unpredictable for over a year now. But I finally seem to be on the downside of the latest crud, so… back to edits, soon as I have a free hour, and poking at an idea about Mongol vampires….