INCLUDING PREGNANCY IN YOUR WRITING. – The Writing Mom Collective
This post was put together because several women, who had been pregnant at least once, with a range of pregnancy experiences, wanted to collect a working guideline. And yes you absolutely may point that out to anyone who objects to something you choose from it!
The first rule of safely including pregnancy in your writing is… don’t.
Once you decide that you are going to do so, accept that you are a rule breaker, and that you are going to make someone mad. Possibly extremely mad. Even more mad than if you had magically ignored pregnancy.
You will make people angry that you signaled pregnancy, that you didn’t signal pregnancy, that you signaled pregnancy in the wrong way, that you showed pregnancy as being the only distinguishing or valuable aspect of the character, and that you had the character absolutely not change at all as a result of being pregnant.
Now, that starting point being set … pregnancy is an extremely good option for triggering a massive change in the interactions between characters, and it is an absolutely vital consideration if you are going to write about the entirety of human experience. Until and unless someone invents an artificial womb, <I>every single member of humanity has gone through a pregnancy</i>. Most of just just don’t remember it, since it was before birth.
If your grand total of change is worshiping the porcelain throne and complaining about being fat, you had better fan-dance quickly enough to dodge things thrown at you.
People will forgive a lot if you give them a good story and make them care. Which is why you can skip most of the parts here and still have a perfectly good story– even the option of having someone mention that things have happened off screen can be superior to showing it when you do not need to.
You have a character that either is, or soon will be, running on the very edge of what is physically possible for a human body to sustain. She will be doing that for months on end, and two lives depend on it. Her body is changing, her mind is immersed in hormones, and her very sense of self is being changed because there is another person, inside of her, absolutely dependent on her for everything. No sane author would expect a male character who is missing a limb to respond in the same manner he did when he had a limb– pregnancy is not a disease, but it is a major drain on the human system.
No matter what the outcome of this is, her life will never be the same.
A male character might have a child running around he doesn’t know about, and never thinks of– not so much for a female character.
To look at a much more basic level of how to write a pregnancy– what is it like to be pregnant? Knowing why pregnancy symptoms exist can help you work it into the story accurately. A woman may have any of these, and they may change over the course of the pregnancy, and a woman will not necessarily have the same symptoms for every pregnancy. Someone who has no morning sickness in one pregnancy may be horribly sick in another, and someone whose first child made an adorable baby bump without significant weight gain may retain water and carry the baby high enough that people politely ignore that she’s suddenly gotten fat. Someone whose skin cleared up during one pregnancy might have an acne breakout on her next.
In essence, pregnancy symptoms are either hormone related, or related to stress on the woman’s system as it gears up to be walking life support for a minimum of two bodies. She may have aches, be tired, be energetic, feel incredibly good– like a long running manic episode, complete with eventual crash- be hungry, not want to eat, feel hot, feel cold, seem to suddenly have allergies, or even have known allergies go into remission.
On the more mental side, that hormone bath has effects in how the woman acts, as well– most of them can be classified as the body responding to a greater need for security due to greater physical stress and a subconscious awareness that you are becoming more vulnerable, much more vulnerable. Panic attacks are common. Emotional symptoms similar to diabetics, or someone who gets ‘hangry’, are also common. Being so hungry you are physically ill will make someone extremely cranky, as will nausea from not eating often enough, from eating too much, from smelling food, from seeing pictures, from specific smells…. Anxiety can make her cuddly, or otherwise reach for comfort– the traditional “nesting behavior” where a woman does massive reorganization can be understood as control. It can also be understood as having a surge of energy, because those hormones can make you feel really good and the pains you don’t even realize you still had are not bothering you anymore.
And even very calm, chill women will find themselves falling into the “kill it, lots, absolutely, and leave no chunks large enough to be a threat to me or mine again” when they identify something as a threat. It’s the same way that you would expect any character under massive physical stress to respond differently.
Again, knowing why a symptom exists is useful in deciding to use it, or not– for example, swollen ankles are from retained water. In extreme cases, this is a symptom of eclampsia, or (even in those not pregnant) a blood clot. Ankles may ache even if they are not swollen at all, and joints will often have odd issues, because of the stress of the extra weight even a small pregnancy causes and the hormones that relax the joins to allow birth not having amazing targeting abilities. This can be pain in the joints even at rest, or it can be hurting sooner than you’d expect when walking or standing for an extended period of time. The classic “sore back and/or hips” is believed to be related to the pelvis loosening up, and the follow-on damage from that.
In addition to being likely to be willing to be more brutal, a pregnant woman is also likely to be more emotional, or at least show her emotions more easily. Again, because her system is under incredible stress, and there is no break in that stress, this can be very hard to convey, and it’s no easier from the inside. If she feels safe enough to let go of some sort of stress, she is likely to do so. And then break down in tears even more because she just embarrassed herself by not being “strong” enough to do everything she has been doing up to that point. This is especially to be considered for the type of female characters that are often in action based stories. She is already smaller, and weaker, than the male characters. And yet she keeps up, and it is often a point of pride. How can she deal with not being able to do everything she use to do, when there is the physical equivalent of a heavy sack added to her load?
For obvious reasons, this is an incredibly touchy subject. You have to know your characters well, and you have to manage to show that this pregnancy is work, but also that it is not some sort of curse. It is incredibly wrought and this easy to make overwrought.
Now, speaking of overwrought….
Remember people are going to get angry. No matter what you do. Check if it’s valid, and carry on.
Mad Genius Club 
31 responses to “INCLUDING PREGNANCY IN YOUR WRITING. – The Writing Mom Collective”
So in Star.Wars, having Leia pull off a tricky negotiation in hostile territory while she was heavily pregnant with twins stretches things a little?
Then keeping her cool while evading a ruthless Imperial commander who intends to rip her children away from her as.soon as they’re born so they can be trained as weapons?
Well, I know what definitely wouldn’t be allowed: portraying the unborn twins as separate, conscious beings, since Leia is.aware.of.them with the Force.
If there was a fictional character who could manage to be a master negotiator despite dealing with pregnancy hormones, Leia would be close to the top.
Depends on whether we’re talking Responsible Adult Leia, Sasser of Moffs and Talker to Ewoks in A New Hope and Return of the Jedi; or Whiny Obnoxious Bish Who Jettisons Every Civilized Behavior Around Love Interest, from Empire Strikes Back and Force Awakens.
First off, Empire was a fun love story, particularly because we see Leia engaging a romantic part of herself that she has had no prior experience with, being subsumed by the rebellion and her responsibilities, and she is STILL quick to realize Lando is not to be trusted.
Second off, don’t talk to me about TFA or anything else Disney vomited out. That never happened.
I
I root for Han/Leia mostly because I like them in ROTJ together, but I was meh at best on ESB’s handling of the love story, and couldn’t figure out why until I stumbled across what purported to be a transcription of the Leigh Brackett treatment, where they came off as much more deadpan Bogey/Bacall, being kind of flirty-sarcastic in passing while focusing on the deadly serious business of survival. The actors are just directed to be too loud and childishly defensive for my tastes in the actual movie.
Force Awakens very clearly draws on ESB’s ideas of Leia being irrationally demanding towards Han at all times(1), which is why I bring it up.
(1) Her behavior in ANH towards him is unkind, but not unreasonable given that she doesn’t know him and has only Naive Short-for-a-Stormtrooper’s word for it that Kenobi is involved and this is a rescue not a kidnapping. But Han’s earned more respect than that by the time of ESB.
I want to say that I last reread those in 2022, when I was wrestling with Second Space Opera, so it’s been a while; but my impression was that her symptoms were mostly physical, and there were passing references to her Force training helping with the emotional symptoms.
At the time, I found Leia’s pregnancy reasonably believable; unlike the pregnant lady in Hallowed Hunt, who probably had some historical precedents in the research Bujold had done for that setting, but came off as Making A Statement About Woman Power.
Being able to use the Force to physically boost herself probably helps.
I’ve got a pregnant robot in my series, she’s starting to show a bump after a couple of books now. [Handwaviuim is so convenient!] I suppose lots of people are going to be pretty pissed off at me. Oh no…!
[Insert Jeremy Clarkson Top Gear meme here….]
Regarding robots having kids, I always liked Gene Wolfe’s depiction in his Solar Cycle books: there are “male” and “female” robots and each carries half a schematic. When a male and female robot meet, they combine their schematics to build unique ‘children.’
Yeah, the only time it came up, I just skipped it entirely. One chapter the characters were getting hitched, the next, small child.
I’m not even sure what cases one would even want to have that in a story. It seems like the sort of thing you’d do you absolute best to take off from your intentional adventuring in, and getting caught in a disaster when you’re already running at something like 90% max power even in resting state seems to be a rather effective way to end up dead. Or have to be deus ex’d out of it.
Curse you plot bunnies…
Alma did pretty well with it in her Familiars series; see Intensely Familiar as a good example.
Usually it’s something people end up dealing with in regards to established characters, that have been going on for a few books or movies, and that there is some kind of chronological or symbolic necessity to the author including it.
People cited Zahn’s first set of Star Wars books above. There’s not really any chronological necessity for the story to take place so soon after the movies that Leia is just now pregnant, but there is symbolic value in her successfully giving birth to twins, under the New Republic which has just come out of its own birthing pains, with a loving husband turned new father in the vicinity. It makes a contrast to what someone watching the OT (years before the PT was made) could infer about the birth of Leia herself and her twin brother Luke. (IE, father not in the picture, Empire rising, that kind of thing.)
Well, I have it in Bowl of Red, because Kyrie can’t shift while pregnant and it drives her nuts.
What? I’m not NICE to my characters.
My pet peeve isn’t the pregnancy, it’s the people far away from civilization who are yelling, “Push!” at the mom giving birth. If you didn’t have an epidural, you don’t need anyone telling you this. In fact, even when you aren’t on the frontier but are in a highly advanced culture, yet not drugged, they’ll be yelling, “Don’t push! The doctor’s not here yet.” As if you could actually stop the process … (And I’m not judging epidurals!)
But a number of your readers will — “natural childbirth” vs modern medicine….
Yeah. I know that. They kept telling me not to push because the doctor wasn’t in. WORST half hour of second birth. I mean your whole body wants you to push.
Still people yell it, to have soemthing to do. 😀
I admit, I lol’ed 🙂
Don’t forget the reactions of the father. He’s probably (if he’s any good) got his own cascade of sudden responsibilities, sudden defense-for-two, sudden apprehensions, etc., that may become all-consuming.
(and other family & friends…)
If I ever get back to that novel, I’ve got a situation in which the male protagonist suddenly has to confront who he is and what he needs to become when he learns he is partially responsible for creating another life. He needs to grow up and stop being an overgrown boy. His relationship with the woman is already complicated and confusing to him due to cultural differences.
I’ve read a quote from a father about how the birth of a baby changed his life: there he was, care-free, and then wham! he was the sole support for three people!
This interview was conducted three days after the birth.
Is that like a paraphrase of one of Murphy’s Laws Of Combat?
“Anything you do is going to Offend! somebody, including doing nothing.”
Also, your character may or may not be the sort of person who always checks out where the emergency exits are when she walks into an unfamiliar building, but I promise you when she becomes pregnant the first thing she will check out is where the bathrooms are in any building she is in. 🙂
Yeah. Kyrie in Bowl of Red spends a lot of time wanting to pee. Including threatening to pee on a dragon.
I think that every woman has different issues with pregnancy. Even with different pregnancies for the same woman. Kathie was horribly sick the first time around – and then had very little trouble for the next ones. Of course, part of that was that we realized she could get a special prescription for liquid supplements, instead of the pills. Why they think that horse pills are what someone already with a heightened gag reflex should be taking, I don’t know…
Other things were still the same issues on the different times – but at different levels.
Gulp. (Wonders if Sarah has read my novel with a pregnancy in it yet)
No. IT’s probably cursed given the vortex of crazy that swallowed my life after I got it. BUT maybe it’s y life that’s cursed?
It’s the AI Box that’s toying with you!
Well, no one’s complained about Madeleine And The Mists. Thus far.
And with that claim of authority, I will add one thing: if the pregnancy goes from beginning to end in story, the events are going to have to fit around it.
Hormones can change pregnant animals, too.
My brother used to keep his horse at a stable with a very beautiful, very show-winning, very smart and competent, very mean mare. I mean, literally, you probably were better off not walking in her aisle of the barn, even though she was securely in her stall. The only person she liked was her owner (who also owned the stable).
And then her owner bred her, and she turned into a sweetie. She remained a sweetie until her colt was weaned. (A very good colt.)
Her owner decided that, all things considered, it was probably better to make her a broodmare for as many years as practical.
It’s the horsey equivalent of the career woman who would really, really rather be a stay at home mom!
Only just realized that the sofa in the lead image has breasts O_O