So, there’s a meme, which is good for a laugh, and shaking your head and going “Yep, they’ve done that one in Police Academy 2 and at least one adult cartoon.” Is funny; will reproduce here.
First: if you’re doing a comedy, please feel free to put this in! Especially if there’s slapstick and other physical humour!
Second: every single one of them is not a genius, and all of these have been done before. However comedic, none are realistic, which is why, when someone who shall remain nameless and blameless tagged me and asked me about putting this in one of my books, I ended up on a long semi-tangential discussion of what was closer to right.
Someone whom I shall name and blame – Cedar – intercepted me the next morning before my second cup of coffee, and told me to move the information off the semi-private and ephemeral chat channel and onto MGC where it can be easily searched and referenced by writers who have no clue about the wearing of weaponry and the people who do so.
*sinal salute* Yes, dear. Are you happy now?
Okay, so, let’s talk about hug management.
It’s a thing, even if you don’t consciously think about it. The first and easiest obvious example: “let’s keep your drunk hands away from where you can help yourself to a double handful of my ass, or half-choking me as you cling to my neck.”
There’s the second kind which is short vs. tall person “No, tall person, you hug around my shoulders, instead of under them, because otherwise I’m having to reach up too much to make this a comfy hug.”
Then there’s hug management with small kids: “I’m going to scoop you up before you can tackle the bad knee and wipe me out!”
And mischief management: “You like to tickle, and you look mischievous. We hug like this so your hands are not near my ribs!”
Y’all should be fairly familiar with some of these, yes?
Now, when dealing with gentlemen of a more… kinetic nature, there’s another layer of hug management.
First, you never get to hug them from behind. Why? Because if they like you enough to let you hug them, they don’t want to break your ribs/dislocate your shoulders/ smash your face when close quarters combat reflexes activate before the conscious brain does.
(If you see one of these gentlemen and the wife / long term partner is standing behind them and hugging them, you know THEY ARE LOVED because they’ve gotten below that level of reflex in the lizard brain.
DO NOT TRY THIS AT HOME.)
Second is: where’s the weapon(s).
Because hugging someone carrying concealed around the waist inevitably has two results:
1.) the hugger knows exactly where the gun, the reloads, the knife, etc. are on your beltline
2.) the reaction and the way hugging rides the shirt up a little / compressed the shirt lets everyone else watching know, too.
Third is: CQB reflexes from the front.
1.) Someone close enough to tangle with you is close enough to seriously hurt you.
2.) Someone tangled up in hugging you seriously restricts your ability to draw, fire, move….
The gentlemen who have this trained in at a gut-deep level aren’t actively expecting a problem (most of the time), but their hind-brain has been permanently trained, and untraining reflexes as deep as fight or flight isn’t easy.
…
Hence, if the gentleman is on point because something doesn’t feel right, NO TOUCHY. AT ALL.
Loved ones will get a single arm-bar, or hand on shoulder, directing them behind and to the non-weapon hand side of the gent where they are safe. All others can kindly f*ck off, especially out of the line of probable fire.
…
In non-potentially-threatening situations, The One-Armed Hug.
It greets, but keeps the huggee (since the gent has just taken charge of the hug) from getting near the weapons, or the vulnerable points.
In situations with people he trusts, the bro-hug: see both arms go up, away from the waist.
Variation: The Arm-Clasp at a torso distance.
Or, “catch their hands and squeeze them in greeting, while keeping them away from the torso.”
As I mentioned before and reiterate now, do not try this at home.
However, for your information, I mentally think I’m shorter than I am. I never really incorporated the last 3-in growth spurt at some reflex levels. Like hugging. Which is why one of my lovely friends has to periodically remind me that she is about 5″ shorter than me, and my arms are supposed to go up, as I’m the tall person.
So my arms reflexively go down, as I think I’m the short person in the hug.
This means I occasionally end up hugging situationally aware gentlemen at the waist, unless I have enough coffee, and enough oxygen, to remember otherwise.
This is an interesting though unintentional test of how much the gent in question trusts me, and how much he trusts his environment. DO NOT do this intentionally, or you’ll annoy people and not get any more hugs.
Usually, I’ll get calmly redirected.
…every now and then, I instead get this very surprised, and very pleased expression, and a chin on my head, or a extra “You trust me this much, I trust you, too” squeeze, especially as I note the holster / mag holder / hilt / etc digging into my arms and don’t react
(Every single one of these gents has a “she hugged me, and then screeched in strident tones, “OMG, what’s that on your belt! Is that a gun? How could you carry here! There are children here!” story. Not reacting at all, because it’s normal in my world? Marks me out to them as someone who is not an active liability.)
Now, having rambled entirely too long before we’ve even gotten below the clothing?
Um. Using your partner’s weapon is totally a thing, but it’s not a common thing, because different people have different preferences, and therefore carry different things, or even different setups and models of the same thing. Seriously – how many couples do you know that have the exact same vehicle for his and hers, set up the exact same way? And if you know what a minor pain and moments of fumbling it is to drive someone else’s car, well, using someone else’s weapons is no different, and in the heat of the moment is not when you want to be fumbling or slowed by a different configuration.
Carrying your partner’s weapon, when necessary, is also a thing.
It’s not going to be common – you want emergency supplies and tools at hand for instant use – but that’s one of those parts of being a helpmate. Seriously. if someone is going to a doctor’s appointment where the specialist would be Most Upset if the patient were carrying? Or going in for minor surgery, and has to disrobe?
Of course, this only happens at places that aren’t legally posted no weapons allowed.
But, what, you think my purse can’t fit two as well as one, and I’m not holding onto things until they go back on him?
He knows what I’ve got and where. I know what he’s got and where. He’s much more proficient, so I won’t be grabbing his unless the fecal matter has done hit and blown through the rotating device and he’s down, but… what’s mine is his, and what’s his is mine.
Large purses can carry so much, including but not limited to blowout kits.
I shall wrap up this overlong ramble with two notes:
1.) Under the sink in the bathroom is a terrible place to store weaponry. Humidity is bad for steel! And not easy to organize or access. Lots better places in the house. And if you don’t trust them enough to undress and disarm in front of them, you got some SERIOUS issues. Because this indicates you don’t trust them… and yet you’re putting your weaponry out of your reach, where they or anyone else could get to it first? Uh, no, they’d go sleep with someone else… or you got some explaining to do on how this situation happened.
2.) Knife-alanche? Um, first, if you have a knife small enough to be in a pocket, it’s staying in a pocket when you undress. (The dish on top of the washer will occasionally get a knife as well as change, hairbands, receipts, aircraft hardware, small tools, shiny rocks… you do perform pocket checks before putting things in the washer, right?)
If you have a knife large enough to be a belt knife, it’s not coming off easily, and if it is, those don’t stack. You’re not going to have enough for a knife-alanche, and you wouldn’t abuse your weapons in such an unsecure manner either. Especially no haphazard stacking where anything might get caught in a trigger, or cut you when you reach for it. *shakes head*
No, the tools we carry would just get folded into the pile of clothes. But then you’ve got to explain why someone would be so self-conscious they want to disrobe in another room… and yet bold enough to come out starkers to meet their date?
Free dating tip: unless you’ve got a lot of trust and history built up with your partner (which obviously you don’t have in the above scenario, on many levels), don’t leave them alone in room when you’re both feeling amourous. Ardor cools quickly, and is hard to rekindle.
3.) Most critically, voluntarily disrobing and disarming together with someone I’m about to make the beast with two backs with is never killing the mood!
Either I don’t care, and he doesn’t care, in which case it’s mere’s set aside in a safe spot, or it’s sharing secrets and vulnerabilities and things you really like but don’t let just anyone know.
C’mon, ladies who don’t carry. I know you’ve got some awesome bras & panties & corsets out there that you really like, and you are pretty pleased or proud you found /made / altered. Gents as well, some of you have tattoos that you don’t let the world see, not because you’re ashamed of ’em, but because they’re private.
When the shirt and pants come off, you’re not killing the mood by letting your partner see what you got. Same with weapons!
Mad Genius Club 
21 responses to “Body Language: Hug Management and Disrobing Others”
Variation on actual dialog:
Hey! Can I borrow your knife?
Sure, what do you want to cut?
Why do you need to know?
So I can decide which one to lend you.
(and to determine whether I really want to lend you a knife that I’ll have to at least clean and sharpen after you’re done abusing it.)
Fun fact, once upon a time it was common practice for the females in gangs to carry the serious weapons, only passing them to the actual users at time of need. Women are less likely to receive a full pat down, and if discovered less likely to do serious time for felony possession.
I love the post, as it s well-grounded in MY reality. It also triggered some giggles, particularly the clatter-bang noises coming out of the bathroom with the dual “I can explain!” ensuing.
I just can’t figure out the graphic. What is he holding in his right hand? What is she holding in her left hand? Is that milk spilled in the air? What is he doing with his LEFT hand, which looks uncomfortable. I could go on, but never mind.
It’s an AI trying to figure out proper body language for a wooing couple in a day when his kissing her would suffice as a proposal of marriage.
And Alma handles this whole situation very well, and very consistently, in her Familiars series. Every character in the series has been exposed to that environment, even allowing for cultural differences, that surprise hugs, etc. just Don’t Happen.
And it’s relatively easy to disguise that under formal manners as well as ordinary politeness, even (or especially) between the sexes.
David Weber exposed similar behavior in the Bahzell books: an exceedingly polite hradani is one who’s trying really hard not to dismember you. Keep pushing and they just might decide it’s not worth the effort to hold back….
I was once working on a scene where the heroine very carefully let the hero know that when they went into the royal court, he was offering her his sword arm.
She had picked up on her own that he always offered her his shield arm when such a courtesy was necessary, but the thing about court was that drawing his sword was more dangerous than any danger that could be dealt with by drawing it.
*Notes!* Thanks!
That reminds me, apparently in a number of Asian cultures when you hand someone something it is considered polite to always use both hands to hand it to them.
And whenever dealing with someone who is from India or an off-shoot culture from India, always order chicken or turkey until you know them. Because beef and pork, and to a lesser extent lamb can all be land mines depending on which group the ones you’re dealing with are from.
Saving this one as a note in the Notes app, so it’ll be available across all devices (as opposed to bookmarking it in this browser). It’ll be really useful for the Sparta Point stuff, especially if I want a moment of levity between missions. And I’m already thinking about how this will be yet another way to show how Connor Westin differs from the dudes who were ground-pounders. Yes, he’s a veteran, but he’s a Navy ordnance officer, and spent most of the Energy Wars supervising the dudes who were putting missiles and bombs on the hardpoints of aircraft on the flight deck. Different set of dangers, different set of responses.
Then there’s the other approach…..
Yes, that’s Sid. I keep him there as a surprise for those who might grope without permission.
I’m reminded of the scene in one of the Lethal Weapon movies where Rene Russo and Mel Gibson get undressed quickly by showing each other their scars. It’s the same sort of intimacy of getting over the awkwardness of “We’re here and we’re going to do this but we’re not quite ready yet” and getting closer, but there’s a lot less in the way of impracticality.
It’s also instructive in that it demonstrates how a sex scene (and the leadup to it) can move a story forward and move the characters closer together. Even if you’re only showing glimpses of the actual action (it’s a montage, not a full-on start to finish tab A into slot B thing).
I’d say just in general it’s not wise to come up from behind someone and startle them. Thus my joking declarations of “I’m sneaking up behind you. Sneak, sneak, sneak.”
I know that *I* react very poorly to someone coming up behind me, or getting too close (Sometimes it can’t be helped, because of back-stage crowding, for example). I try to do unto others, et cetera. Some defensive responses are so ingrained that they are very, very hard to stop once triggered.
I get accused of sidling up to people when I approach from the front and wait for them to finish what they’re doing.
It’s probably the autism talking but most people are way too touchy feely. Anyone hugging me had better be family or a friend of such long standing that they are like family.
I used to be a libertarian. So I have a photo op with a candidate. And if you take a photo op with a libertarian candidate, maybe go for the non dominant hand so you don’t make him feel awkward. PS I would still be a libertarian but they’ve become socialists.
Nice set of ‘advice’… 🙂
Some good thoughts here. It reminds me of a story I read back in high school, from a rather old book published in the 1940’s called, I think, ‘Triggernometry’. Basically it was someone’s memories of the Old Wild West and it had a personal account. The author remembered one time with his brother, a local gunslinger who’d killed a couple of men in legal fights, self-defense, and who had some people out for revenge. Anyway the brother was at the family’s small farm where he was reasonably safe. Well, while there, the younger brother/author gets told to call him in for supper.
The youngster looks all over the farm for his brother and finally finds him, working on something and completely absorbed in it. He walks up behind him and decides to have some fun. The kid lowers his voice to make it growly and unlike his normal speech, and says, “Well, I finally got you!”
The next thing he knows is there’s a gun barrel in his face. The brother stops at the last second and tells him to “Never, ever do that again! If I hadn’t hesitated just a second long you’d be dead right now!”
I assume that walking up behind an armed man or woman unexpectedly and saying something similar would end as poorly for whoever did it.
My mom once got tackled by a cashier at the bank.
Lady’s a friend, so when she looked over mom’s shoulder and saw someone who has a really stupid sense of humor walking in, she knew she didn’t have the time to say something, so she lunged across teh counter and had a hold on mom’s hands BEFORE the guy yelled “NOBODY MOVE, THIS IS A HOLD UP!”
And was telling mom to calm down, he does this every week, before mom had a chance to get really pissed.
…he mysteriously stopped doing that, apparently someone dropped a bug in his ear about how many people carried in the area, and how legally i twas self defense if he came in like that.
Yes. Depending on where you live that sounds like a great way to make the acquaintance of your local emergency ward.
From The Discarded Shoe, Miss Alice Haddison goes through security:
“The man at the front gate was very funny,” said Effie. “You went through the metal detector and his teeth nearly fell out.”
“The guy who said ‘who are you supposed to be, Trinity?’” asked Alice, getting a wicked smirk on her face. “Yeah, that was worth the trip.”
“Then you started pulling them all out and lining them up on the table in front of him,” said Effie with mild puzzlement. “I didn’t understand that part.”
“I was rubbing it in,” said Alice evilly. “Some guys, I just can’t resist letting them know I can do whatever the hell I want, and there’s nothing they can do about it. You lay three guns, five knives and a sword in front of a guy like that, then put them back and wave bye-bye? He’ll remember it the rest of his life.”