One of the things you learn in reading true crime — which I do when I hit the bottom of the depressive cycle — is that the first thing they look for in a “opened his veins” suicide is hesitation cuts.
Apparently, the experience of slicing into your own skin causes people to first make a couple of shallow cuts, before going for it full throttle.
Their absence, usually indicates murder, not suicide.
So what does that have to do with writing, unless you write mystery?
Mostly? Because we do the same thing in writing. Both in the actual craft, and in approaching the publishing/publicizing, etc of our work.
I’m doing two serialized novels in substack. I called it Chapter House, for obvious reasons.
When I started, because I know I have fans of the fantasy, fans of the science fiction, and fans of the mystery, I wanted to start with at least sf and f, with mystery added later, after this month, because this month is insane.
Because this month IS insane, I decided to start with novels I’d already started. I was spoiled for choice with fantasy — rogue magic, Witch’s Daughter and Elf Blood. I started with Witch’s Daughter and will get to the other two later. But for science fiction, I had only Winter Prince, which I’d started …. 15 years ago in the Baen’s bar. (To be fair, there’s also No Man’s Land, but that one is super weird, and maybe not as the first?)
Anyway, I put up what I had of WP, but when it came to writing new chapters, they kept wanting to be first person. And I had to fight them to keep them third. Okay. So, I decided to retroactive make it first.
The third person version is here, the first person is here. And, I want to add there was no reason to do it third. I don’t change narrators. There is no multiple pov. The only thing I can think for why I did it third to begin with is that the publishing houses prefer third, and I was traditionally published back then.
Anyway, when I was going through and changing, which is a TEDIOUS job because my character also refers to other women, so there’s a lot of third person in there, also, I noticed I had a lot of writerly “Practice cuts.”
I want to say that was because I was young in writing, and it’s relatively true. I had only been published for less than 10 years, and it had been a very weird ride. Also, of course, I perhaps lack more confidence than normal writers, having a consciousness of being ESL.
And what do I mean by practice cuts?
So many “dancing around the point” and “begging the question” words and phrases. You know “He was somewhat portly.” Uh…. what does the somewhat add, except edging?
Or “it was some kind of tool” Uh…. what does “some kind of” add? “It was a tool” says all that is needed.
Or “It was a sort of sad” “It was sad” is a sufficiency.
There’s nothing that sort of wording does except convey the writers’ hesitancy.
Don’t drive yourself nuts at first writing, but when editing, go through and cut out the “practice cuts” ruthlessly. Your prose will be sharper for it.
Mad Genius Club 
32 responses to “The Hesitation Cut by Sarah A. Hoyt”
Don’t do first person? I think Jim Butcher might have a word or two about that.
Honestly, first, second, or third, person is fine with me for reading, as long as it’s done well and keeps my interest. If I don’t want to keep reading, then it doesn’t really matter.
I’m reading Michael Rothman’s Dispocalypse right now, which has had two different first person accounts so far. It’s still entertaining.
It was after he broke in. Trad pub had gone more insane.
In my case, practice cuts were (and still are) fanfiction. Ten years of practice with thaumically active equine literature have made me confident enough (and competent enough) to venture into the world of the paid poorly without being laughed into insignificance (which would have certainly happened if I had tried to sell some of the drek I was writing back then).
Just, just, just, and really, really, really. They need to be cut, cut, cut out of my writing. Now I have a name for them. Thanks!
Just, really and very can be used in dialogue, sparingly for emphasis, or even just (AH) for rhythm.
But yes, you need to make sure you’re using them right and not to fudge.
Tangent question, is there an good way to do first person if there is a viewpoint shift?
The w(n)ip feels like at least the first half of it needs to be in first person. At least I can get into the viewpoint character’s head when it’s in first person, but there are two main characters, and they both have an arc, and for various reasons, the second character can’t be first person until pretty late in their arc.
I think the story sticks with one first person viewpoint for the first 2/3 then switches to the second character. And that feels like a bait and switch to pull that late in the story. But I can’t think of another way to do it yet.
Any suggestions?
There is. You just have to make sure that the two first person voices are VERY distinct. Sometimes to the point of absurdity, like giving one a verbal tick
HOWEVER you can also do firs/third. I’m doing that in No Man’s Land.
That may not be as hard as it could be. Their mindsets are radically different, and thinking about it, I can probably just do a single hard perspective shift.
Thinking about it, I believe I’ve got a three part structure, so I may even be able to prime the pump by having a partial time skip/epilogue after the first third. So when the reader hits the last third, and there is a similar boom, it is not a surprise to be somewhere different on the next page.
I’m thinking if I’m ever crazy enough to do multiple first-person perspectives, each change is its own chapter with the character’s name in the chapter heading. That way YOU know who it is.
Oh definitely that. You should still make the voices as distinct as you can.
As much as I love Space Station Noir, the only complaint I’ve heard (not from me!) is that the voices aren’t distinct enough.
A way I can think of doing this is slang. Boston guy from the streets is going to use different words and have a difference cadence to the lady from a Manhattan first family.
yeah. Or different worlds. Or whatever.
I read a book where I had to keep paging back to check whose chapter it was. You need the voice.
I’ve seen that. I’ve even seen the name at the start of the chapter *with* a character-specific art header. Every little thing helps with a perspective shift, though the best part is having the distinct voices.
I’m having the issue that I LIKE describing things. And I hate the simple tennis volley of “says” and I try to include better tone words in each piece of dialogue. This eats up time and that’s frustrating.
The trick for A Solist In Rome is that I’m writing each chapter “light” and adding detail later when I do my major revisions. Keep it simple, and add more as the need arises.
It’s writing out faster, at least…
Consider “stage business” instead of Tone words.
Though you absolutely should have tone words.
I don’t like descriptions, but they’re often needed. For one, to give “feel”
https://madgeniusclub.com/2012/09/19/dialogue-a-lesson-with-fred-and-mary/ For dialogue.
I write fat and revise lean. If I don’t know which detail to put in, I put in both and cut one later. That way I don’t lose the inspiration.
Actually that’s gone down as I learned to master both coming up with details and deciding which is telling. Now I tend to spruce up the scene with more stuff. Such are the possibilities.
Another thought on the writing heresies. Have it in second person future perfect. Drive everyone insane.
I HATE second person AND present tense narration enough that either makes me stop reading.
Book: “You walk over and look behind the twitching arras…”
Me: //Oh yeah? Ya really wanna tell me what the reader oughtta do next? Try that again and see what happens to yer book, why dontcha… Ain’t gonna like what comes out of that arras, smartypants author, are ya, when it and the book both hit the wall together, and maybe you, next..//
This. But even just present tense drives me nuts.
In a story I’ve finished but not published, I actually use third person present tense narration for a few pages when my character is spacing out / dissociating from reality because he’s just had a massive cognitive dissonance hit. But it’s only for those pages and for that reason. He is actually thinking of himself in the third person, present tense.
Year Zero is an article of faith for Leftists.
When they gain control of an institution, there is a constant push to make the past inaccessible.
This is most of the second person and present tense push, and some of those involved (like Chuck Wendig) have publicly bragged about why they’re doing it.
Just because Tom Wolfe could pull something off…
So, idiots yeah?
“If you give a mouse a cookie….”
Second person only really works when it’s a character in the story.
I read a successful one where a woman was cloning her sister and recounting her sister’s lifestory to the clone.
You can do it for a very short story. I did. But that’s it.
The 1979 BSA Handbook had a second person present tense chapter, and that was ludicrous enough that it’s been made into a skit. (A very funny skit, when you have 4-6 goofballs to act it out as it is read.)
Huh. I didn’t know there was an actual term for that when attempting suicide. Interesting.
My depressive habit of reading true crime books has upsides, maybe.
…is it sad that I recognize the “blood splash” art from Pixabay, because I used it as an element on a (now-retired) cover for a noir novel?
I’ve used it too before MJB