Life ate my homework

I am not posting.  I’ll continue the series next week, but today the intersection of my life’s bizarre crisis(es) with national politics has left me unfit for man OR beast.

So, I’m not posting.  It’s for your own good.

I’m going to kill half the world in a novel now.  I should feel better next week.

33 Comments

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33 responses to “Life ate my homework

  1. Draven

    Ok, I’ll take care of the other half.

  2. Bob

    In keepinewith the subject: dystopias, apocalypses and post apocalypse, how to write em. When do they work and when don’t they?

    • When the reader rewrites everything after page two with ” . . . and a giant asteroid struck the planet, killing everyone. The End.” it probably doesn’t work.

  3. Will you be killing the other half next week?

  4. CACS

    I’m going to kill half the world in a novel now.

    It strikes me that this could be quite therapeutic.

    Also far less messy than doing it in real life.

    • Bob

      Nah, in novels, things have to make sense and happen for a reason.

    • sabrinachase

      My homicidal needs motivated me to write my first novel. Since I couldn’t be certain I would get a jury of my peers who would totally understand why my thesis advisor needed bludgeoning, I wrote a violent epic fantasy instead. It worked! I didn’t go to jail!

      • Bob

        I am tempted to check it out. Title?

        • sabrinachase

          Firehearted. It has some…disturbing monsters in it. And lots of violence. Mostly one of the main characters had the High Justice and could kill people for ticking her off.

      • I’m glad I’m not the only one. Although mine was satire. Apparently (according to fellow g-school sufferers) I manged to skewer the entire department. Achievement unlocked!

      • Heh, my thesis advisor made an appearance in a fanfic I wrote. He didn’t die (no opportunity in the plot) but I did get to vent a little.

        • I was advised to change a name so it wasn’t sooooo obvious who was the main target. I did. But I still grin when I read that story. (It’s “First Mart” in _A Touch of Power_)

  5. Okay… (backs off, slowly)

  6. May I suggest a nice cargo container full of rocks boosted to a large fraction of C? Excellent secondary effects if you put it down in an ocean.

  7. Reality Observer

    I have this bit of dialog going through the head…

    NORAD night watch Colonel: “General, we have detected a massive carp strike incoming!”

    General: “Get the President notified! Wait… WHAT?”

    • Can’t get this out of my head:

      It was a hard target. That’s what made it so spectacular. They had the technology to deflect the projectile if they detected it in time. But Harr had investing in planet sized screen to mimic the view behind, lest they detect it by occultation, and set the projectile on a path to least disturb the orbits of the other bodies. By the time they noticed it, it was too late.

      They still tried, exhausting their arsenal; vaporizing the screen and melting part of the projectile surface in a blinding display of nuclear energies. The projectile veered and I ceased respiring, fearing a close fly-by and the bad reviews to follow. But the projectile was too deep in the gravity well. It struck not quite center, breaking up just before it plowed through the sliver of atmosphere, ocean, and crust into the mantel beneath. Molten rock sprayed in a glorious display as both target and projectile merged into a single glowing mass.

      Harr tapped my extremities with a tendril of his magnetic field. “See? You worry too much. Wasn’t it a grand spectacle?”

      “They almost ruined it, and our careers.”

      “I bet it looked that way to our audience, too. But the projectile was too massive: there was no way it wasn’t going to hit at that range. What do the critics say?”

      I dipped a tendril into the tachyon streams. “Let’s see . . . five stars . . . five stars . . . they all seem five out of five stars. They loved the nuclear display before impact.”

      “What did I tell you? It was worth waiting 65 million years after the teaser, wasn’t it?”

      I had to admit it was. I watched the glowing debris already forming into a rough disk. “Do we have time for another?”

      Harr collapsed in on himself as he thought. “It would be pushing it. In about three and a half billion years this star will expand out to this orbit, and it took four and a half billion years to get to this point. Once it swallows this world, it’s on to other stars and projects.” He became quiet, his magnetic field oscillating. “But if we do a crowd funder for enough hydrogen, we might could pull off a supernova like the last one.”

      Harr and his plans. I watched the art unfolding before us. “I wonder if it will form a moon like it did the last time.”

      Harr turned to the gray object still faithfully orbiting the now shifting barycenter. “I’m counting on it to sweep up enough material to become a proper double planet. That will make the next show more exciting. Think of what will happen when they hit.”

      I rotated toward him. “But I thought you said we didn’t have time.”

      Harr beamed. “That’s for a full show. We’ve still on for the matinee.”

  8. The main problem with destroying half the world is getting the aim right. The good and the bad just intermingle a bit too much for easy targeting.

  9. This day’s bright spot was learning that Queen Medb got hers from a sling loaded with hard cheese. A lesson to all dishonest and bitchy political figures.