Every writer has thought this about the muse of writing at least once. Some of us think it at least once a day. But I’ve never before believed it as much as I do right now. Until a week ago, I was happily pounding out a novel that I’m late on delivering. Then, out of the blue, I got hit over the head with a plot that won’t let go. It has completely drowned out every other plot that had been waiting none too patiently for me to get to them. It has brought the book I was working on to a grinding halt. It has, in short, become a pushy witch that won’t let me do anything but write it.

Maybe I’m strange. Okay, I know I’m strange. I’m a writer. That’s part of the job description. But when I’m writing a book, I almost always know where it is going and how it is supposed to get there. I’ve seen it in my mind, thought out the various plot lines and characterizations. I’ve made my notes and usually have a bare bones outline. I can’t claim to be a true plotter or a true pantser because I’ve always sort of combined them.

Then came the kim chee. Yes, that’s what I call the current book because it doesn’t rate being called a cabbage. KC appeared in my dreams about a week ago and hasn’t left my head since. When I tried the old trick of writing a few pages just to get the voice and feel of it down, it wasn’t satisfied. It wanted more. I tried telling it had to play nice and wait its turn and it laughed maniacally. Yes, plots can be maniacal and rub their hands gleefully before reaching for your creative spirit and throttling it until you give in.

I tried going back to the book I’d been writing and quickly discovered that KC had taken over. Characters had new names and, worse, new personalities. Since there was no way my editor would approve a book where all the characters suddenly suffered amnesia or mental breakdowns and became new people — some even changing sex —  I threw my hands up in the air and surrendered. KC had won.

That’s when I discovered just what a witch with a capital “B” this book was going to be. I sat down at the computer, hands poised over the keyboard, plot running wild in my head and — nothing happened. My fingers didn’t start pounding away and words didn’t start appearing on the screen. Instead, KC started acting smug in my head. It was going to show me. I’d tried putting it off, so it would torture me a bit longer.

So, I reached for the headset and activated my copy of Dragon Naturally Speaking. I love Dragon. So, headset in place, program activated, notes at hand, I opened my mouth to begin dictating and, well, you guessed it. Nothing happened. Well, that’s not entirely true. A string of profanity finally made its way to the screen but it wasn’t how the book started. No, it was my response to the KC giving me the raspberry and then laughing.

There was only one alternative left. I rummaged in my desk and found notebook paper and pen. Nope, that wasn’t quite right. I managed to write a paragraph and nothing more. It didn’t feel right. More rummaging. Out came my last — and already partially used — yellow legal pad and pencil. Not a mechanical pencil. No, a real pencil that requires a real pencil sharpener. More rummaging in the desk for the sharpener. In my mind, KC was nodding and smiling. Maybe I was getting closer to satisfying the demanding — and infuriating — plot.

Now, even after all this, I thought I knew what would happen. There are times when I have to write a page or two long hand and then I can return to the computer and finish it the way anyone living in this computer age should be able to — by typing it into the laptop. But noooooo. KC had other ideas. I have to write it out by long hand, one or two chapters at a time, and then input what I’ve written. I can’t write it all by hand and then type or dictate the finished product. Oh no. That would be too easy and make too much sense. I have to do it in chapter increments.

Head->desk. Repeat.

What is amazing with this much slower process is that it hasn’t been slower, not by much at least. Since I started this about a week ago, I’ve written approximately 40 – 45,000 words. I say approximately because the word count for what has been typed in is 30,000 words. But that doesn’t count the two chapters waiting to be typed in this morning. Sigh.

Of course, the KC plot is hitting me over the head, telling me I ought to have at least three hands instead of just two. Then I could write by hand with one while the other two typed in what had already been written.

As if all this isn’t bad enough, the book itself is driving me crazy. It isn’t what I usually write. Well, it sort of is but with a few pretty major differences. Then there’s the lead character. Head strong — check. Impulsive — check. Bitchy — not too much. Infuriating — absolutely. Inappropriate — duh. Let me put it this way, in the middle of sex, a cartoon is quoted and the other party involved is not amused.

Save me, please, from my characters.