Who your character is changes the world they see. This holds for not only what they notice and how they emotionally react to it, but the very metaphors they use, and the way they move through a space.
After I described the same place, from two different character’s viewpoints, one alpha reader noted to me that she identified much better with the second description than the first. That’s part of why I love her; she lost her rose-coloured glasses a long time ago, and gets my acid-black humour.
A different alpha reader loved the first description far better, which is a direct reflection on her worldview and life… and she is just as valuable to me, and I love her, too. My friends do not have to be like me – in fact, the less they are, the more relevant their reactions and advice for writing something with the intent for it to be read and enjoyed by others.
While the normal rule of thumb is not to change things unless multiple alpha/beta readers tell you the same opinion, with these two, having opposite opinions is often even more informative than having the same one.
Which do you prefer?
So you can decide, in excerpt, a stairwell(see footnote):
Aurelia walked into the stairwell as Tyler locked the heavy steel door behind them, and looked up. It was more of a narrow brick shaft than a proper stairwell, almost completely filled by a wrought iron circular staircase going up to the next floor. She slowly ascended, taking her time and running her hands over the ironwork with all its twists and curls, and hammered-metal roses. The whole functional sculpture rang with each footstep until the air was full of chiming metal echoing back and forth off the bricks like a chorus. She stopped until it was quiet enough to talk, and exclaimed, “This is amazing!”
“Isn’t it? And even better, it’s a left-handed staircase.” He came up behind her. “As soon as I saw this, I knew I had to have this building.”
“Why is left-hand better?” She started climbing again at his gesture, and reached the top with its little landing before he answered. Had the place had been open to the air as a ruin before being restored? The bricks were scarred and pockmarked, looking rough even though they’d been scrubbed clean and accented with a couple ferns lit by spotlights.
“Because anyone coming up ends up facing the wall when they reach the top, and they have to turn around to get their first view of my surprise.” He grinned and hooked a thumb behind her, directing her to turn.
“Oh! That’s beautiful!” The entrance wall to his apartment had a mosaic topping frosted blue and shimmering green glass tiles, with a little fountain running down the center. Beside it, the door to his place was open, and she could see a hallway running the length of the building, punctuated by more doorways internal to the apartment.
“Isn’t it? I’ve had to retile it a couple times, but I use the opportunity to swap out different colours and designs. I had it edged in minotaur designs as a rhapsody in blue, but I’m changing over to lizards and shimmering green scales. C’mon in, the water’s fine. Oh, and don’t trip on the AK in the doorway. So, what are you looking for?” He led the way into his apartment, and she followed, absently eating her ice cream as a way to keep her hands from touching the knickknacks and interesting objects piled everywhere… as well as making sure it didn’t drip on the polished wooden floor.
…and now from the second POV…
Of all the reasons for buying good, functional clothes in job lots, Jan thought as he and the rest thundered up Tyler’s early-warning staircase like a herd of elephants, he’d never planned on the benefit of being able to swap out clothing for an identical set so his lady couldn’t see or smell evidence of what he’d been up to. She might notice he was freshly showered, but that was easier to explain away than making sure the bodies wouldn’t be found. As always, they executed a quick hook-turn at the top of the staircase, getting away from the backstop and charging down the killing alley.
As he passed the fountain Tyler’d put in for a quick water connect to pressure wash away any blood spatter or other evidence, Jan wondered what his lady thought of it, and if he could get away with one in their own place. It certainly looked a lot better than the plain spigots he currently had sticking out of the walls outside the house.
***
Footnote: Yes, the staircase does exist. It’s an objet d’art that makes a quiet approach impossible… although if I read the gentleman’s smile aright, he has a way to get up and down it without making it sound like a herd of elephants. I have sincerely wanted it ever since, right up there with the library from the animated Beauty & the Beast.
Mad Genius Club 
12 responses to “POV descriptions and reader reactions”
Awesome. Yet more reasons to love your writing. You provide both an indirect view into the character’s worldview, and insight to the reader on how part of the world thinks.
Thank you!
This post is an attempt to get the rest of the world to write that way.
I mean, if I could get other people to write what I want to read, then I wouldn’t have to write it myself…
I’m trying to write like you do! I’ve reread all your books several times in an attempt to bring your descriptive talent into my own work in a small way.
Oddly enough, now that I posted my POV position on Substack, I find two more articles on it in my regular haunts.
Being architecturally inclined, the first description resonated more with me.
Of course, the “had to retile a couple of times” part is a flag.
Because tiling, especially decorative mosaic, is a PITA and a half, and no one with any sense would tear out a done one just for the heck of it.
Yay! You caught one of the “All is not as all right as she’s assuming” bits!
Well, the POV character came up with a reasonable explanation for the pockmarked bricks, and I really have no room to criticize other people for their firearms storage habits…
Hmm, I guess this marks me as a dullard, then. I didn’t see any of that when I read both excerpts. Never thought it was a kill house. Maybe I should give up writing. Scratch that. Give up trying to write.
No, just as someone who is more or less normal. You don’t think that way, so you don’t see things that way. It’s not being a “dullard.” Don’t quit writing because you see things differently than some people do.
I caught the clear lines of fire, and the “singing” staircase, but missed the cue in redoing the tiles. However, that’s because I think more about “how can I get out of here quickly, and who is behind me” than do normal people. (Result of being the target-of-choice for jerks for several years, and a few other things.)
I only caught for the second, and it was so unpleasant that I skimmed that entry.
To be perfectly fair, I probably wouldn’t have caught it if I were not a year in to applying mosiac tile to the doorway of a shower.
To give you an idea, the tile is “beach glass” style fragments, the wall surface is 6 inches wide, and there is no pattern except that made by the shape of the glass. I start by applying to the wall a 4 inch strip of the mesh-connected glass that I have cut from the larger 12″x12″ tile as it comes from the store, and then I fill in the remaining space by fitting loose pieces of glass in the gaps, out to the corners of the wall.
It takes one hour to tile one foot of wall, not including setup of the platform and materials I need to use.
A mosaic with an actual design in it? Perhaps one that you have to do tile by tile instead of just slapping a pre-patterned mesh on?
Yeah.
Don’t get me wrong, it’s already gorgeous and will look even better when it’s all done, but I wouldn’t want to tear it out and re-do it for less than “The wall is completely destroyed”.
I liked both of them. Both descriptions are good about telling you about the character who is going up the stairs. The second description is more straightforward about the defensive properties. However, I could see in my mind’s eye what the staircase looks like from the first description which I couldn’t really from the second description. The important thing in the second description is that this is a place that is well defended and that therefore the owner probably has needed those defenses. The first description makes that building more real to me. The second one advances the story better.