It’s been a rather hellish day for various reasons, but mostly because I was dealing with doctors and insurance, and have to do it again tomorrow, since one of them screwed up a med refill which if I can’t get it is going to play havoc with my household.

So today I’m going to be lazy and put up the two beginnings I really don’t have to do anything to. I have a couple of suggestions on the first one, but only because the author has a line I desperately want to be the first in the novel. But it’s fine as is. Also she’s one of my husband’s favorite authors, and he’ll hurt me if I were to deconstruct it. (Not really. However the fact it works for him, does tell me it’s technically very competent. This is the man who often reads stuff and analyses it for me while I’m trying to sleep. If he hasn’t done that, it’s way above average.

So, first up:

First three pages for critique

Professor of Magic, Book 4 of Academic Magic

Becky Jones

Chapter One

The plane landed with a bump and Zoe O’Brien stared out the window as the airport buildings flashed by. A hand rubbed her back and she turned to look at her boyfriend, and faculty colleague, Kieran Ross.

“You’ve got that look on your face again,” Kieran said, smiling. “What’s running through your head?”

Zoe returned his smile and leaned into his shoulder. “Just thinking that the summer flew by, even with battling ancient enemies and dealing with the Irish goddess of war and destruction,” she said in a low voice. It was doubtful that anybody else could hear her over the scream of the engines, but she didn’t want to take a chance. She had spent most of the summer in Galway, teaching a summer course at the university there. Her friend and Jessica Sanders, who taught in the English department at their home university, Summerfield College, had been there as well. She and Jessica, along with Kieran who was doing research at the National Museum in Dublin, had fought alongside the Morrígan and Manannan mac Lír, the Irish goddess of death and war, and the god of the sea. In between all the life-or-death situations, she’d also met her biological father – something she could have done without – and had students kidnapped. The quiet, academic summer she’d been expecting had never materialized.

“Yeah, I guess it was a bit more exciting than you’d hoped for,” Kieran replied, winking at her.

Zoe smacked him lightly on the shoulder. “Pish. Getting, and turning down a job offer from the goddess of death and war was pretty fun.”

The plane finally rolled to a stop at the gate and a wave of movement flowed through it as the passengers stood up and began pulling their luggage from the overhead bins. Kieran opened up the bin above his head and pulled out his bag. “Yeah, I bet it was,” he said.

Changing the subject in light of the press of fellow passengers, Zoe pulled out her phone. “I’ll text Kim and let her know we’re at the gate,” she said.

“Good idea,” Kieran grunted as he pulled down her rolling suitcase. “What do you have in here? Rocks?”

“No, books. Lots of books. I asked Annie and Paul for books about the Tuatha de Danann and Irish myths. They came up with a lot of books, most of which I don’t think I could find here. They’ll be a big help prepping this semester. I want to add a section on Irish mythology to my medieval history course,” Zoe replied. She slid out of the seat and grabbed her bag as Kieran set it down.

Fortunately, they weren’t too far back in the economy section of the plane so it wasn’t too long before they started moving forward. Their luck held as they got to passport control and a new line opened up just as they walked in. Once through customs, having reclaimed their checked luggage, they made their way down the long echoing hallway towards the arrivals hall. Stepping into the bright light of the arrivals hall with its tall windows, Zoe didn’t see Kim at first. The sound of her name being yelled over the din of arriving passengers being greeted by families and friends, drew her attention to the far wall.

“Over there,” Kieran said, pointing, having spotted Kim faster thanks to his height. He held out a hand to Zoe and they wound their way through the crowd toward Kim.

“Welcome home!” Kim said, enveloping them both in an enthusiastic hug. She took Zoe’s carryon bag from her. “Here, I got that. I managed to find a parking spot pretty close to the elevators. And smart move on your part coming in on a Sunday. There won’t be that much traffic getting home.”

Kim led the way through the thinning crowd heading for the parking garage elevators. Once in the elevator by themselves, she turned a serious look on the two of them. “I heard through the grapevine that you guys had some interesting adventures this summer.”

Zoe’s eyes widened and before she could say anything, Kim continued, grinning. “Cats. They kept in touch with the crows, who talked to the seagulls, who talked to… well, you get the picture. They don’t call them Watcher for nothing.”

Zoe shook her head and shared a look with Kieran. “Noted. Yes, it was… interesting. I guess ‘adventure’ is a good way to describe it as well. We’ll give you the details once we get home.”

“Okay, that works. If you don’t object, I thought we’d order pizza and eat at my place since the cats are there. That way you don’t have to figure things out and you don’t have to clean up,” Kim replied.

“That sounds great,” Kieran nodded. “As long as at least on pizza has no pineapple on it.”

“Hey! I like pineapple on my pizza and I don’t care what anyone says!” Kim responded with a show of wounded dignity.

“If you have a beer, I really don’t care what you put on the pizza,” Zoe told her with a grin.

“Now I’m really wounded,” Kim said as she unlocked her car. “Me, not have beer? Maybe I’ll just leave you guys here and you can catch a cab home!”

Zoe threw her suitcase into the trunk of Kim’s little sedan, raced around to the passenger door, and jumped in. “Too late!” she called, laughing.

An hour later, having dropped her luggage, showered and changed clothes, Zoe trotted up the street to Kim’s house. Kieran had elected to return to the basement apartment he rented from Kim, so that he could do the same. While he practically lived at Zoe’s place, he still kept the little apartment for those times when one or both of them was away at a conference, or putting in long hours finishing up a research article. Kieran was going up for tenure this fall, while Zoe would go up next fall, which meant that for both of them, the next two years would be extremely stressful. Zoe sighed when she realized that their time in Ireland would probably be the last travel, outside of conferences, for a long while. She promised herself that once she had tenure, she was taking a nice long vacation and only reading fiction while on it.

Zoe went through the back gate at Kim’s house and found her and Kieran sitting on the former’s back balcony, beers in hand. Kim waved her up and pulled another beer from the cooler next to her chair. “Pizza’s on the way, and I pulled the beers out here so we have no real reason to get up and you have no reason to interrupt your tale of this summer. So, start talking,” she ordered.

Kieran gave Zoe’s hand a squeeze. “This is more your story than mine. Despite the pressure, I haven’t said anything yet,” he told her.

Zoe laughed. “Okay. Well, yeah. It was interesting.” She paused and slanted a look at Kim. “I met the Morrígan for one. You know… Irish goddess of death and war?”

Kim gave her the reaction she’d hoped for. “What??” she sputtered, spitting beer. “The Morrígan? Seriously?”

“How many Morrígan’s do you know of?” Zoe asked with a grin.

“Uh, yeah. Just the one. Alright, spill!” Kim replied, grabbing a paper towel from the roll beside her chair and wiping up the spilled beer.

“Okay. Well, let me start at the beginning and then I think it will make more sense,” Zoe began, when they heard the doorbell ring.

Kim stood up and shot Zoe a look. “Hold that thought. I’ll be right back with our pizza.”

When Kim returned with the pizza and they’d all gotten plates, pizza, and beers situated, Zoe launched into her story of her summer adventures.

Okay, this is basically perfect. I’d have a little more of scene/setting description for the apartment/balcony (like, what can they see) but I also get deep into a series, it might seem superfluous.
Also, I’d like the novel to start with this: “Getting, and turning down a job offer from the goddess of death and war was pretty fun.”
But you know? That’s just me.

For the rest of the people: The almost relaxed, jokey tone is perfect for this type of urban fantasy.

A Messiah on Re-Entry

by Peggy Kurilla

Excerpt from Ad Astra, Rani St. James’ Biography of David Saxon:

For his tenth birthday, August 2, 2020, David’s parents took him to Florida and hired a private yacht so they could watch the return of the SpaceX Dragon Crew Demo-2 spacecraft up close and in person. Though I hadn’t yet met him, that was the day I lost him.

Twenty-eight years later, he boarded the Starseeker and waved goodbye to Earth to seek his destiny in the stars.

#

2 August 2523

Pensacola, Florida

Reverently, Grand Lady of the Star Seekers Gabrielle DeMarco closed her copy of Ad Astra – a first edition, published not long after David Saxon left Earth aboard a Saxon Aeronautics spacecraft almost five hundred years ago. Despite having memorized the passage when she was barely older than he had been when he wrote it, Gabrielle re-read that entry every year on its anniversary.

That August – and august – day had been the beginning of David Saxon’s lifelong love affair with space, leading to the creation of Saxon Aeronautics and a prominent role in the so-called Private Enterprise Space Race of the 21st Century, finally culminating in the launch of an interstellar colonial craft named Starseeker, from which Gabrielle’s own order took its name.

This year, August 2 took on extra significance because it was the day Starseeker was unexpectedly returning to Earth.

To say that news had caused a furor was putting it mildly.

Oh, it wasn’t that spaceflight and exploration had ground to a halt after Starseeker’s departure – far from it. In the centuries since, Terrans had mastered powered landings and reusable spacecraft. They’d built a second permanent space station, colonized both Luna and Mars, and established a network of remote automated early warning drones to secure their home planet and solar system.

No, the furor was because Starseeker’s return brought with it the Seeker himself, the man who’d become a legend and more. The man on whose beliefs the Order of Star Seekers had been founded. The man who’d been thought long dead on a faraway planet.

A knock on the door to Gabrielle’s room – really, it was more like a studio apartment, complete with kitchenette and en suite bathing – brought her back to the present.

“Yes?” she called.

The door opened, and a young apprentice to the Order, perhaps no more than fourteen, stuck her head into the room. “Your car is ready.”

“Thank you,” Gabrielle replied. “I’ll be only a moment.”

The door closed behind the girl and Gabrielle rose to return the book to its place of honor in her climate-controlled bookcase. The bookcase was a luxury, of course, but not an unnecessary one when it contained her precious first editions.

She had all the biographies of David Saxon, of course, but it was Ad Astra, the only authorized biography of David Saxon, written by Rani St. James, the woman who was his wife in all but name, that took pride of place on her shelf.

With care, Gabrielle replaced the volume on its stand and adjusted the dust jacket so it aligned with the cover. She sealed the bookcase closed before offering a silent prayer of gratitude that she had been the one chosen to welcome the Seeker home.

Then she straightened the starlight-colored uniform that proclaimed her status as a Grand Lady of the Order of Star Seekers and turned for the door that would take her out into the warm midsummer Florida afternoon.

#

Like many of her peers, Gabrielle had been fascinated by astronomy when she was a little girl. Her parents had bought her a poster of the solar system – well, the inner planets, at any rate. A poster including Makemake, let alone Sedna, Eris, or Farfarout, would be either too large for any wall or too small to see any detail.

She’d loved that poster, given it pride of place on the wall above her desk, and later bought glow-in-the-dark stickers shaped like stars and planets, painted her bedroom ceiling a deep charcoal gray, and then affixed the stickers to the ceiling in a representation of more of the solar system. Still not to scale, of course, but many nights she’d lain awake staring at the glowing stickers and dreaming of what lay beyond the system they represented.

Unlike many of her peers, though, Gabrielle’s interest in the stars hadn’t faded with puberty. When she had the choice of subject matter for school essays, she always chose something to do with space. A second-grade assignment to write a short biography of a famous person led to an essay about Yuri Gagarin. A fourth-grade assignment on a historic event resulted in ten pages concerning the Apollo 11 mission.

But it was a ninth-grade assignment to write an essay using three primary sources about the same event that changed her life.

She’d chosen Starseeker’s launch, because what more historic event could there be than the day humanity left Earth to settle among the stars? Research led her to Visionary, the memoirs of Jed Young, Saxon’s business partner; St. James’ Ad Astra; and the final volume of David Saxon’s journals.

It was in the pages of those books, read in that order, that she fell in love with David Saxon as a person, not just a figure of history and legend.

I tried. I really have nothing to add to this one, except I’d like to see it finished.