Well, sort of. I’m having a horrible episode of the con-crud and it’s an interesting one, too. Overnight, my ears just “filled” with pressure, and I’ve been oscillating between “I’m going to spontaneously combust” and chills. This, of course, means I can’t make much sense, not even if I want to.
I’ve tried to explain what I consider harassment over at According To Hoyt, possibly not very coherently (see where I’m right now approaching 150 degrees Farenheit and next I’ll need a blanket to cover self, because I’ll be freezing.)
What are the most embarrassing non harassment episodes you’ve experienced? How did you deal with them?
And what do you consider harassment?
Mad Genius Club 
10 responses to “In Which I Don’t Post”
You’ve got what I have. Which means you will likely need to see a doc and have antibiotic. 😦
I’ve experienced what, in a comparable situation where the sexes were reversed, would be considered by many to be “inappropriate touching”, but I seriously doubt the woman knew what she was doing, really. She would clutch my arm to her chest while asking me a question. Or maybe she did know. She might have done that to encourage me to be helpful. But you really had to know her to understand that even then, it was probably not something she did consciously. I never told her how difficult it made things, sometimes, because I’m pretty sure it would have made her extremely self-conscious, and it really didn’t hurt anything.
Well there was the time when I was hugged and kissed by a friend who thought (for complicated but fairly valid resasons mostly due to us being in a cave and not having any light at that moment) that I was his girlfriend. We agreed that “what happens underground stays underground” but I think the statute of limitations has run out on that one now.
I think that we need to be taught how to respond. Not everyone “gets” it right off the bat. I know that I’m particularly prone toward non-confrontation, which makes me stressed and uncomfortable when I feel that someone else is acting inappropriately. Now that I’m old and crotchety I’m more likely to say something sooner to defuse tension, because I’m more confident and I know how.
When I was 18-ish I worked as a prep-cook at a Perkins and they hired a new cook. The guy was smarmy even if he was 20-ish, and quite obviously (to me) thinking in terms of management. He’d do a lot of touching and encroaching and saying stuff, though I don’t remember exactly what he said since this was 30 years ago… and it wasn’t anything I couldn’t shrug off, but I remember thinking that I ought to say something to him because if he kept it up he would eventually get in trouble for sexual harassment. I never did get up the courage though. So at that point whose fault is it, his or mine?
Enter my cousin… I must have quit soon after she started because I don’t recall *working* with her, just her interaction with this smarmy guy… anyway, the first time he touched her she slapped him on the ass. The first time he said something off color to her, she fed it back to him. And that was that.
I don’t know how is best to train people out of timidity and my cousin was a year younger than me so it’s not just age, but really… if you put up with something the other other person has every right to think that it was acceptable.
Yes.
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Both ways.
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Signaling and communication are important for letting the less observant, and those who, effectively, want to see what they can get away with, know what they can’t get away with. Sometimes this includes the slapping and the punching and so forth, and sometimes it is a matter of ‘You don’t do that stuff here, or around me.’ You set boundaries, and you enforce them. Sometimes the signal is a noose. One should study the culture to get an idea of what the signals are. Sometimes the traditional methods are good, sound, and should be emulated. Good fences make good neighbors. (Frost was full of it, as he was a hobby farmer, and hence not invested enough to know better.)
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The other side of that is understanding how those who might prey on one might identify one as prey, and understand the methods they may use to do it. This allows you to one the one hand, disrupt their calculations, and on the other, to counter their actions. My read is that we, in general, as a system, do a very bad job of handling this sort of education. (Labeling certain interfering factors as pro-rapist and pro-molester may be incorrect.) Anyway, a habit of being forthright, honest, and reliable in one’s statements seems a good solid start to counter-predation strategies. Look for things that might be lures, or handles, and make a point of valuing them less than one does one’s own dignity and safety. I’ve found that a lot of it is internal, involves stripping away one’s own illusions, studying and modeling adversity, and I’m not fully certain I’ve done it best or correctly.
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I recall talking with a man about my practice of what I now call counter-predation strategies. I may have had misgivings at the time, but especially at that time of my life, such were common. Anyway, I latter obtained information supporting some of the misgivings, that he might have been sizing me up as prey.
PS: People who make excuses for predators, who enable them, are at best unreliable allies for those who want to avoid being preyed upon. Studying the narratives and political/philosophical positions frequently passed around a society can be used to estimate amounts of enablers and predators around. This is useful for planning how far one might be able to trust people.
in which i don’t comment
Stay away from people – you appear to be allergic to them. Sigh. Bubble girl?
I don’t know if it’s because my immune system is permanently set to high (CFS), or because I rarely have the energy to go out and mingle with the germ-carryers, but I don’t get sick for more than 24 hours. Ever (except for the continuous sick I live with). And the 24-hour sessions are rarer than once a year.
Makes it easier to plan. But not recommended – nor can anyone figure out how to give it to you.
Also, stay away from small children. They are hot-beds of germ warfare. Again sigh. OTOH, if you want to get everything, and get over it at once (if you don’t die), try teaching pre-school for a couple of sessions – that should expose you to everything out there. Unless you keep getting the same bugs.
Hope you’re better soon.
Let’s see . . . you mean, like the time at the office that I reached behind me for the doorknob as I was looking the other way, chatting . . . came _that_ close to grabbing my boss by the privates as he opened the door and walked in . . . He dodged. We both paused, and proceeded to pretend it hadn’t happened. I _think_ he was trying hard to not fall over laughing.
Which is how healthy adults deal with this stuff. I have done stuff like that once or twice…