We live in a science fiction world, but unfortunately it’s a pretty damn dystopian one. There are any number of wonders, like the drugs that keep me able to function, but then you run into the joys of automated phone systems where you can waste ridiculous amounts of time trying to get hold of someone who can actually answer your question.
Or automated phone systems that can’t handle any kind of strong accent.
Or contradictory rules that somehow always manage to have you in the middle with nowhere to go.
Or, like I’ve just dealt with, all bloody three at once.
Who would have believed, back in the Golden Age, that someone could spend the best part of an hour on the phone, most of it either on hold or dealing with arcane voice-activated automated phone menus, in order to be told that their doctor’s wonderful new automated system which stores all prescriptions electronically and sends them to the pharmacy with a single click is in fact not good enough for said pharmacy because the doctor’s signature is electronic. The doctor has to print the prescription, sign it, then fax it.
Who would have believed that in nearly a month of back-and-forth between the pharmacy and the doctor’s office this little issue was never mentioned so I needed to make the phone calls and sit and wait in automated queues – which, with the expected reliability, drop your bloody call – in order to discover this. And then I had to call the doctor’s office because they don’t answer the pharmacy’s automated calls (and why would they? They’re bloody nuisances most of the time).
So, in this wonderful modern world of ours the process is as follows: I go to doctor. Doctor sets up new prescription of my narcolepsy medication and presses the button. A week goes by. Two. I get automated phone spam from mail order pharmacy to say that there’s a problem and they’ll let me know. Another week. Oh, sorry can’t fill it. At this point I’m almost out, and I can not do without this particular medication.
Call doctor’s office, to be told that they can’t figure out what the pharmacy wants, but yes, they can give me a sample. Getting this stuff without the blasted pharmacy isn’t an option: it’s around a thousand for a month’s supply. Using the insurance’s mail order pharmacy means I can get a 3 month supply for $90.
Call insurance company help number. Navigate flaky menu. Call gets dropped. Repeat. This time after some false starts get onto an actual human. Who promptly asks if I “mind” being put on hold. Of course not. I wouldn’t have called them if I objected to wasting my life listening to godawful music interspersed with reminders about how much they “value” my “input”. Eventually I get told I need to call the mail order pharmacy, and given the number (which isn’t easily located anywhere else, I might add). Rinse and repeat with the mail order pharmacy number. More time on hold, before finally the message comes through. They can’t take electronic signatures. They need the real thing, even if it’s on a fax.
Let’s leave aside questions of how the hell you tell the difference on a fax. Why in the name of all that’s holy or profane didn’t they tell anyone this before? Why does their bumf not include this information?
Final phone call is me back to the doctor’s office to tell them they need to send in a new prescription for my medication with an actual physical signature on it because the mail order pharmacy will reject anything with an electronic signature. Oh, and could I get some more samples because I’ll run out before the new order can go through the whole processing rigmarole. Because – of course – it’s not possible to reactivate the original order and process that.
Is it any wonder that I am known to periodically mutter that there needs to be open season on stupidity, with no bag limits. No-one these days has the time to deal with this kind of nonsense, but stupid arbitrary constraints that no-one bothers to tell people about force us to deal with it.
Not to mention, how in hell did we manage to get all the worst bits of the future and miss the flying cars?
Mad Genius Club 
32 responses to “Things the Future Never Told You”
I’d just like to say, flying cars may sound like a lot of fun, but I’ve seen how a lot of drivers handle 2 dimensions. I really don’t want to be any where nearby as they try to wrap their heads around 3 of them.
Hope everything worked out, because your posts are important to us… 🙂
If it doesn’t there’s likely to be an even more epic rant.
And yeah, the drivers of those flying cars are an issue.
Kate, can you imagine the hell we’d be in if we did have flying cars? Aren’t the lines at the DMV long enough already? Think about how long we’d be standing there if we all had to take our driving/flying tests. Can’t you just imagine what they’d want us to do…and isn’t having to parallel park enough torture now?
Having spent much of yesterday on hold, I feel for you. I hate automated phone systems. That’s usually the first thing I say when a real person finally comes on the line. My vote is that we first hunt down whoever is responsible for inventing the system and then all those who have implemented them. Care to join me?
What time, and where do you want to meet?
I’ll bring snacks. And I think I can borrow a friend’s spare cluebat, for those who are more pacifist in their tendencies.
Oh, yes. I wonder if I can filch the big mace from Overlord 2. That sounds about right for this job…
I’ve heard that many phone systems will pass you to a real human if you start cursing at the phone. Never tried it, but one blogger I read says it works for her.
Considering my husband’s experiences, I’m not sure that’s correct. That or he’s been unlucky.
I hate automated systems, I remember when they first came out (I still had a rotary phone) they used to say, “if you don’t have a push button phone please stay on the line, and someone will assist you shortly.” I haven’t heard that option in a long time, I guess they figure anybody who hasn’t upgraded their phone doesn’t deserve any help, and I would guess that a lot of people were like me and regardless of what kind of phone they had, just stayed on the line until they could talk to a nominally live human.
I haven’t heard that option in a while, either. It would be nice to have “if you would prefer to speak to a representative…” as an option. Computers are good at simple, obvious things with no gray areas. I don’t do simple and obvious.
The company I consult for made a smart decision years ago; when you call, you’ll always either talk to real person, or get voice mail and a callback. It gets us occasional kudos from members.
I like that company without knowing anything else about them!
The reason they push a lot of this automated stuff is that, if a live human talks to you, the live human is constrained by a lot more regulations. If you yourself do stupid or immoral things, it’s not the company’s fault.
That, and it’s cheaper in labor. For them, not for you.
I can totally believe that. And of course, when EVERYONE uses the bloody things you can’t go to the competitor who has real live humans. (Of course there aren’t any with real dead humans. When was the last time a real dead human answered the phone?)
Lass, I hear you loud and clear. Up here in BC Canada the worst offender for automated telephone hell is in fact… any guesses? Yep. The Phone company itself. Telus.
But a jewel in the reading, and the closing line “Not to mention, how in hell did we manage to get all the worst bits of the future and miss the flying cars?” made it all worth it. Thanks.
Oh, yeah. The Australian phone company which used to be the legislated monopoly was bad for that. I have not at all fond memories of sitting in hour-plus phone queues for them – before being cut off and having to start over.
“Who would have believed, back in the Golden Age, that someone could spend the best part of an hour on the phone, most of it either on hold or dealing with arcane voice-activated automated phone menus, in order to be told that their doctor’s wonderful new automated system which stores all prescriptions electronically and sends them to the pharmacy with a single click is in fact not good enough for said pharmacy because the doctor’s signature is electronic.”
Joseph Heller would have believed it. Also, Franz Kafka.
Hope that helps. Have a nice day. 🙂
Point.
That or I died somewhere along the line and failed to notice that I’m now in Hell.
I might have missed this point, but — you DO know that almost any phone system will put you through to an operator if you simply press zero in response to any prompt?
In real business — not government-mandated crony-capitalist bureaucracies — companies are realizing that customers HATE, HATE, HATE automated phone systems (and subvert them any way they know how). The two factors turn what ought to be a marvelous economy into a horrible detriment. Businesses are getting rid of them as fast as they can. And where they can’t, they’re at least bringing the phone rooms back onshore. I’d guess that, some day in the … yes, the future … these monstrosities will be but an ephemeral memory, noted for their odd and quaint idiosyncrasy.
Except for government offices, hospitals, and insurance companies.
Betcha.
M
Oh, this one was one of those hideous voice things, with the sing-song instructions then wanting you to speak into the damn phone and recognize what you tell it.
I inevitably end up with a smarmy “I’m sorry, I didn’t understand that”, into the queue for a human, then get cut off.
And no, I didn’t know about the zero prompt thing… I must remember that to try next time I’m stuck with one of these horrors.
Kate,
Unluckily for them, living in the Norfolk area means that TriCare has an office right here where I can get to it. Worse for them, it’s only about a mile off of one of my commuting-route choices. So, I can take an hour off work and drop by in person any time their automated government-purchased system frustrates me.
Hehehe…. TriCare is DOOMED! Doomed I tell you!
I may be going out on a limb, but I’d bet if you said “operator” into a voice-prompt system, it would give you the same result as pressing zero to a “press 1 for English” type system.
If it understood my Australian accent – I’ll have to try.
Hey, we’ve got the flying cars – they’re called helicopters. What the Golden Age missed was they were only for the rich. Dang it!
Chris, my SF WIP offers flying cars that cost about the same as a VW … and when she introduces the concept-car at a show, the protagonist turns to the politicans in attendance and says bluntly, “Just think of the money you’ll save not fixing potholes! These will begin mass-production for the consumer market in three years. Whether you have the legislation to manage them ready or not. Don’t dawdle.” 🙂
Hey – the Luddites in the horse-and-buggy still want a smooth ride too:)
The Luddites in the horse-and-buggy can look forward to having the roads to themselves 🙂
I kind of like the idea of the future PI scratching his head, commenting to the cop, “How the heck did they get here? The skytracking system follows every flying car, and you can’t beat it. But they came in with a load of equipment, pulled off the caper, and left, without a trace. How the heck did they do it?” After sufficient bumbling around, someone figures out that they actually drove a car! On the old roads!
Oh, I love that. About the only way it’s going to happen, too.
And the price isn’t dropping, more’s the pity
Wonderful blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers?
I’m hoping to start my own site soon but I’m a little lost on everything.
Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go
for a paid option? There are so many choices out there that I’m totally confused .. Any suggestions? Thank you!