‘Anti-tank mines found in IKEA warehouse.’ Yes, it is a real headline. No, I don’t believe that the mystery of how they make all those dissected bits of furniture is explained, or where the mysterious leftover bits when you have finished assembly come from. Nor is it to discourage over-eager shoppers.
The story itself is quite dull, really. It was a bureaucratic error, meaning the crates of mines weren’t off-loaded with the rest of the military shipment – and ended up in the IKEA store. No one grabbed them and said ‘mine, mine, mine’. They would not be armed or dangerous to use as an extra shelf. The only injuries are to the officer who tried to fake up the paperwork, and the soldiers who were supposed to trans-ship it (or possibly do the paperwork). In a way it’s a bit the Eric Frank Russel story OFFOG – where a typo in the annual inventory check, on board a small military ship leads to creation of the OFFOG – to avoid the fact that they have no idea what it is, and the lies lead them deeper into problems…
IKEA let its customers down by not selling flat-pack mines, methinks. But they are probably not quite stylish enough for the discerning customer.
The point I am trying to make is that the headline aggrandizes a rather mediocre-interest story. It doesn’t deliver on any of the myriad interesting possibilities that my imagination throws up. It got me to read something that all the accuracy in the world would have had me ignore. The story was dull. The headline, I thought brilliant. When it comes to your book (And I am not a great success at this) the title’s purpose is not to describe the contents. It’s to get you pick that book among 10 others to look at. The cover, likewise.
Mad Genius Club 
3 responses to “Headline…”
Russel’s story was quite quirky. It really pointed out how apprehension of bureaucratic penalties can be as daunting as fear of a firing squad..
Otherwise, I could use a case of mines; claymores by preference….
Brilliant work sir, and I loved OFFOG, as any actual serving vet has seen just that sort of shit.
In Russian literature there’s the story of Lieutenant Kije (also transliterated Kizhe), which predates the Soviet Union. It apparently started as an oral anecdote, and the first attested appearance in print is a collection of such tales by Vladimir Dahl (author of the dictionary that gave comfort to Solzhenitsyn during his travails in the GULAG). It was subsequently elaborated into a novella and various stage presentations both spoken and sung. I don’t recall a reference to a movie, but I wouldn’t be surprised if one or more has been made.